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| Pretty in pink |
Whilst preparing for Velothon Wales another epic adventure was put before me. And as I said in my last chapter I've realised I like a challenge. So whilst 140k cycling up Welsh mountains seemed like a big challenge, it was nothing compared to what was now put before me. "How would you like to cycle from Utrecht with 40 women from around the world covering 500km over 5 days ? ending up in Paris to watch the womens La Course race, and the chance to meet Marianne Vos?" ......"No" I said "I have a whole heap of ironing piling up in the spare room, I just don't think I have the time" . Actually no I didn't say that I said "Ooooo yes please". Which is funny really because several of the facts contained within this proposition didn't really register properly with me. So lets get the facts straight.....
40 lIKE MINDED WOMEN ? MMMM ? Exhibits A to D
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| The beginning |
Firstly the woman who had made the great suggestion to me in the first place. Exhibit A = Clare. Lets look at the facts. She was currently still cycling around the Alps even though she had 2 broken ribs, so quite hardcore. Why would you do that? That would hurt. I stop cycling if I have a broken nail. She's like a weeble. No I'm not saying she's fat. No she's actually really rather bloody gorgeous. But weebles wobble but they don't fall down. So no matter whether she's skiing, cycling or kite surfing. Broken ribs. Pah. Dragged across the beach on your head! Pah. Nothing stops her. Great!. Hardcore. Terrifying. Shit Shit Shit! I had shared a flat with her sister Alison and as more facts about my next adventure unravelled I began to wonder whether this was retribution for some misdemeanour I had done to her sister. I mean I did get a bit pissed when I was Alisons bridesmaid but I don't think I disgraced myself too much. OK I did leave the bridal bouquet on the sailing club wall. But I thought we'd got over that episode. This would teach me once and for all! OK so not everyone was going to be as hardcore as Clare. Lets look at Exhibit B
2. Exhibit B = Sandy.
As it turns out Sandy had contacted me previously regarding my column in Outdoor Fitness magazine. And then oh look she knows my cousin Holly who runs Spring Cycle Coaching and Personal Training. And and then ....Oh look Sandy was also doing RoadTripParis. And then Oh look she's outside my window!. No she wasn't but I'll be honest I was beginning to get a bit nervous about this Sandy person. Was she a stalker? So I contacted my cousin to get the low down. I wanted reassurance that I was going to be able to keep up. "Yes" my cousin Holly said she's about your age, she's lovely, you'll like her"...Me "Oh thank goodness I was beginning to think they were all young professional cyclists ha ha ha ha !". I was beginning to feel a bit more reassured but then Holly said "Oh did I tell you she qualified for the Amateur Masters World Champs?". Bloody marvelous. Shit! Shit! Shit!. Thanks for that Holly, really reassuring!
3. Exhibit C = Strava
Luckily (because I think if I was I would have cancelled) I WASN'T part of the STRAVA group that had been set up before the trip. I have talked about STRAVA before. Bragging rights, Egos and Big Brother. Obviously there had to be some training done, before such an epic trip. But apparently some of these women were seriously clocking up the KMs before the trip and at great speeds. So I was lucky I hadn't been party to these statistics as it would have added to the terror that was now filling me. Others knew who were the ones to watch. Me I was under the radar. Actually more like under the bed scared! Shit! Shit! Shit!
4. Exhibit D = Marianne Voss
OK I admit this hadn't been much of a selling point to me. Why? because I didn't actually know who she was. Quick google search. Oh my! and when I name dropped her to those in the know - I suddenly realised the significance. This was a big deal.Wikipedia definition: Marianne Vos, is a Dutch cyclo-cross, road bicycle racer, mountain bike racer and track racer who has drawn comparison to Eddy Merckx as being "the finest cyclist of [her] generation".
Oh God how did I find myself in this ridiculous situation ?!! Fuckity! Fuck! Fuck!
PREPARATION ALWAYS BE PREPARED
Step 1 - The Sports Massacre I mean massage
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| Hammer Time My Therapist |
Step 2 - All The Gear No Idea
I needed to be prepared. I needed stuff. New stuff. Cycling sexy stuff. So I went in search of a cycling jacket. I wasn't going to get wet. I had been recommended a GABBA jacket. Rather disappointingly there still isn't that much apparel choice for women in non-pink colours so I had to resort to the internet. So I ordered the "practical expensive" jacket, the "designer v.expensive too cool for school understated jacket arriving in tissue paper, a beautiful box and hint of the aroma of arabica coffee beans" jacket, the obvious expensive Rapha jacket and the "cheap practical in non-practical" white jacket. Detachable arms, non-detachable arms. It was a minefield. Some didn't even seem waterproof. In the end annoyingly the one I was first recommended was the correct choice The Castelli Gabba jacket. I have to say it has done me proud. Thanks for the recommendation. Think the postman is still wondering what I have been ordering though with "Always Riding" printed on some of the packages he delivered!!! #awkward.
I had more chamois cream than you can ice a cake with. And enough inner tubes for the whole Sky Team during the Tour De France. I also packed my top of the range Garmin that was going to record every step of the way !!! (Yeah right!) And now to get the bike to Utrecht? Ahh yes the bike box.
Step 3 - Travelling abroad with your bike. Challenges.
There were many challenges along the way, before the cycling even began....
Challenge 1: the logistics of cycling abroad require you to be familiar with the complex workings of a bike so you can dismantle and reassemble it into and out of a bike box. Oh yes I could dismantle the bike easily enough but would the thing ever be roadworthy again once reassembled, by moi ? It would be a miracle if that intricate gearing system ever worked again. As I trundled around Gatwick airport with a big blue bike box I was asked by one woman. "My husband and I were just wondering, what IS in there?" .....I couldn't resist "Oh" I replied "my guitar". "Wow that's big!" she replied...."You better believe it baby!". I swaggered off. Actually I didn't, you can't swagger with a big blue plastic bike box in one hand and a suitcase in the other.
Challenge2: Travelling with a bike box abroad is also interesting. On arrival at my hotel in Utrecht I was informed I was on the 3rd floor and of course the lift was only big enough for one man and his bunch of tulips (not a euphemism). So feeling rather like a Dr Who Dalek I faced the 3 flights of stairs with trepidation. Thump thump thump thump thump upto my room on the 3rd floor with suitcase and bike box.
Bike now reassembled, nutrition bars and water bottles at the ready for the next day I settled down for a rather sleepless night. Sleepless not because I was meeting the legend that is Marianne Vos but because 500k over 4 days with female strangers was going to be quite a journey, and more importantly did I have enough chamois cream?.
There was talk of meeting the other girls for a beer to get to know each other before the ride. It was 9pm when sweating my bike was finally reassembled. A brief visit from a man whose keycard seemed to also work in my door (again not euphemism). I don't know who was more shocked him on being greeted by a female oily handed in the process of a full bike reconstruction in a hotel room, or me? Needless to say after all the excitement I was ready to crash. I'd have to meet the others tomorrow.
THE START
Once I had dragged 1 x bike (now reassembled), 1 x empty bike box and 1x suitcase across the quaint (not so f**ing quaint when you have a 1 x bike 1x bike box and 1x suitcase with wheels to pull!) cobbled stones of Utrecht I was again somewhat sweaty and harassed.
Girls like their stuff - so it really was a miracle that 40 womens suitcases fitted into 1 transit van. It was a bit like the tardis. And lucky for me I met Exhibit B - Sandy, she was perfectly normal as it turned out and the lovely Lisa who as soon as I met her I knew we'd get on like a house on fire. They were lovely. Equally nervous and not dutch. There were a lot of dutch girls. All very tall and gorgeous, I felt like Alice in Wonderland as I stood at the till with them waiting for my coffee.
And then there she was the legend that is Marianne Voss. There to wave off 40 chattering women on their merry way. What a lovely gracious lady she is. Dutch, small and epic. I set off in Group 3.
Yes me and group riding has not been without it's hiccups. Mainly in fact because I've never actually ended up with the group. So now was my chance. An email had been sent out prior to the trip that sent ripples of fear across the world as it had suggested quite a racy pace. I was beginning to wonder if I’d actually signed up to be in the La Course rather than just going to watch it. There were to be 3 riding groups:-
Group 1:- would be cycling at 35kmph - 32kmph. Not that group then.
Group 2:- cycling between 32kmph-30kmph. No not that group either and
Group 3 :- 28kmph - 30kmph. Holy guacamole where was group 4 when you needed it?.
Several male friends and my brother thought my fear was hilarious. I figured that whilst I probably could have done Group 2 pushing myself, if I was to last the 500km distance over 4 days Group 3 was definitely a pace at which I could sustain without incurring a heart attack.
The beauty of cycling in Holland is that
a) yes it’s flat and
b) it has dedicated cycle lanes.
I cannot over enthuse about the beauty of the cycleways in Holland. The only downside is the amount of "road furniture" or poles they have along the way but hey we learnt a new hand signal! We sailed through Holland beside canals, admittedly accompanied by the aroma of cow shit, they do drink a lot of milk over there. The beauty of fields and fields of tulips. Actually I lie there were no tulips, but there were bushes and bushes of hydrangea’s. Their tourism board need to sort their advertising out. And I think the Shetland Pony must have been invented in Holland, I've never seen so many. Maybe they were normal size as well it was just all those tall Dutch girls making them look so small?
How great it was to cycle not jostling for position with cars and lorries or avoiding drains at the side of the road. Bliss, it was quite an experience. And Group 3 began to bond, telling each other just enough about each other to get an impression. Apart from Lisa she told me more than enough - hilarious company. I was going to enjoy this trip.
My Garmin recorded: 119km and then stopped. Lisa's Garmin recorded 126.8km
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| Are you sure this is all going to fit in here ? |
And then there she was the legend that is Marianne Voss. There to wave off 40 chattering women on their merry way. What a lovely gracious lady she is. Dutch, small and epic. I set off in Group 3.
GROUP RIDING.
Yes me and group riding has not been without it's hiccups. Mainly in fact because I've never actually ended up with the group. So now was my chance. An email had been sent out prior to the trip that sent ripples of fear across the world as it had suggested quite a racy pace. I was beginning to wonder if I’d actually signed up to be in the La Course rather than just going to watch it. There were to be 3 riding groups:-
Group 1:- would be cycling at 35kmph - 32kmph. Not that group then.
Group 2:- cycling between 32kmph-30kmph. No not that group either and
Group 3 :- 28kmph - 30kmph. Holy guacamole where was group 4 when you needed it?.
Several male friends and my brother thought my fear was hilarious. I figured that whilst I probably could have done Group 2 pushing myself, if I was to last the 500km distance over 4 days Group 3 was definitely a pace at which I could sustain without incurring a heart attack.
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| Lisa Sandy and Me |
Day 1 Utrecht to Baarle Nassau 126.8km.
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| Nutrition all about the nutrition and the eggs Lisa |
The beauty of cycling in Holland is that
a) yes it’s flat and
b) it has dedicated cycle lanes.
I cannot over enthuse about the beauty of the cycleways in Holland. The only downside is the amount of "road furniture" or poles they have along the way but hey we learnt a new hand signal! We sailed through Holland beside canals, admittedly accompanied by the aroma of cow shit, they do drink a lot of milk over there. The beauty of fields and fields of tulips. Actually I lie there were no tulips, but there were bushes and bushes of hydrangea’s. Their tourism board need to sort their advertising out. And I think the Shetland Pony must have been invented in Holland, I've never seen so many. Maybe they were normal size as well it was just all those tall Dutch girls making them look so small?
How great it was to cycle not jostling for position with cars and lorries or avoiding drains at the side of the road. Bliss, it was quite an experience. And Group 3 began to bond, telling each other just enough about each other to get an impression. Apart from Lisa she told me more than enough - hilarious company. I was going to enjoy this trip.
Day 2 - Baarle Nassau to Nazareth 148km.
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| Group 3 - Marion, Me, Lisa and Nancy - still smiling |
Yes Day 2 on the bike I could definitely feel that I’d been on the bike all day the day before. For the first 10k I was already shifting my posterior on my saddle to find that comfortable position - alas it wasn’t to be found. I felt slightly despondent, if I felt like this now how would I be able to do another 2 days in the saddle? And as we reached Belgium the quality of the tarmac deteriorated with a lot more hand signals for pot holes going on. Antwerp with a big group of cyclists was also not a joy as lots of stopping and starting at traffic lights. Stopping! Cleats twisted off, cleats twisted on, stopping! cleats twisting off, cleats twisted on - you get the idea.
A few slow motion topples as inexperience combined with fatigue made cleats for some a challenge. But we all arrived in one piece. By now we had got used to the groups cycling style (or lack of!) and we were working well as a team. We even had our own chant when we had to get in single file. And actually Lisa and I were giggling our arses off at the back. Having way too much fun.
It became apparent who the team players were and who maybe should have done some more training. I think to be able to eat and drink whilst on the bike is quite a basic requirement for a journey of this size. But by the end of day 2 people were making great improvements, and for the most part working well as a team.
Challenge 3: Women and cycling.
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| Women Cycling a lot of Waffle |
So women’s cycling vs mens cycling? Judging by some of the dropped jaws and looks of amazement we encountered as a group of women cycling through villages and towns, it seems that women’s cycling is still quite an alien concept in some countries. What the hell did we think we were doing? Riding with a group of women made a refreshing change, empowering dare I say it?. If it had been a mixed gender group the guys would have felt that compulsion to overtake the female of the species at all costs, even if their eyeballs were bleeding. One girl had a top “Ride like a girl” which summed it up beautifully. The dynamic of the riding would certainly have been different. And obviously as a group of girls we could talk freely about periods, Tinder (Yes you Lisa!!) and make-up! Peeing? Yes for women in bib shorts this is quite a logistical problem, requiring many layers of clothing to be removed in the process. Several male motorists could been seen grinning away to themselves as they witnessed the relief process, one even pulled into the lay-by for Gods sake to get a better look!
My Garmin recorded: 1.7km then 5.7 km and then 83.2km and then 57.4km . Lisa's Garmin recorded 148.1km in one recording. FFS !
Day 3 Nazareth to Peronne 151km.
Yes Nazareth quite a biblical journey this was tuning out to be. I was dreading the start of Day 3 having ached at the start of Day 2 but actually my body was now in the swing of things. This was probably the best day riding. We’d got through Belgium and were now cycling in France, through all those pretty villages. Granted the road surfaces weren’t always ideal and we were now cycling as part of the mainstream traffic. The cars were definitely less tolerant in France. I never thought I’d be interested in tarmac but you definitely get to appreciate good tarmacadam when you cycle. The dutch have a word for smooth blissful tarmac they call it "or gazem-asfolt” But cobbles and the female anatomy is a whole other story. In a bad way. Glossing over.
There were also some hills. I loved the hills they were a relief from all the flat. The Tumble training had paid off, I was having a ball.
My Garmin recorded: 1.3km then 149.6km
Lisa's Garmin recorded 151km in one smooth recording.
Day 4 Peronne to Paris 166km.
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| Oh La La - Les Femmes |
My Garmin recorded: 108.7km then ran out of battery. FFS how hard can it be.
Lisa's Garmin recorded :165.7km in one recording. AND navigated us through central Paris.
WE MADE IT ! - I DO SO LOVE PARIS IN THE SUMMER MARION !
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| I do so love Paris in the Summer Marion ! |
As we came into Paris after some dubious advice by our ride leader " We going to ride into da Paris and f*** the red lights". Pardon? Lisa and I decided we wouldn't be doing that. That's not what they taught us in cycling proficiency classes where we come from old chap. We'd be hand signalling, shouting "STOPPING!" and unclipping. Those crazy dutch girls. What are they like? By this stage we were hysterically giggling at everything with exhaustion and relief that we'd reached our destination in one piece. When we got to the cobbles it felt like the last straw. Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Marion another Group 3 member (who can be booked for karoake) shouted to me as we reverberated over the cobbles after 4 days in the saddle (yes very OW!) "I fucking hate Paris - you're not even my real friends!!" Brilliant. Funny.
But that feeling of cycling into Paris that day is something I will never forget for the rest of my life. 40 of women of all ages and nationalities cycling up the Champs Elysee whooping like banshees stopping all the traffic (they had no choice) to arrive exhausted, sweaty and exultant at the Eiffel Tower. Being cheered on by passerby's who probably assumed we were something to do with the Tour De France. Brilliant. What a great adventure with some truly lovely people.
And yes if you count the KM it was actually 591km and over 4 days not 5. Epic. What shall we do next ? I need another adventure.
FOR SALE 1 x GARMIN EDGE! Or maybe I need to just re-read my instruction manual or only ever go cycling with my buddy Lisa who seems to know what she's doing! Well when it comes to Garmins anyway!
NEXT CHAPTER:- MMMMM not sure what my next adventure will be ?
But that feeling of cycling into Paris that day is something I will never forget for the rest of my life. 40 of women of all ages and nationalities cycling up the Champs Elysee whooping like banshees stopping all the traffic (they had no choice) to arrive exhausted, sweaty and exultant at the Eiffel Tower. Being cheered on by passerby's who probably assumed we were something to do with the Tour De France. Brilliant. What a great adventure with some truly lovely people.
And yes if you count the KM it was actually 591km and over 4 days not 5. Epic. What shall we do next ? I need another adventure.
FOR SALE 1 x GARMIN EDGE! Or maybe I need to just re-read my instruction manual or only ever go cycling with my buddy Lisa who seems to know what she's doing! Well when it comes to Garmins anyway!
NEXT CHAPTER:- MMMMM not sure what my next adventure will be ?
