Sunday, 21 January 2018

Chapter 28 - The perils of commuting and internet dating




The perils of commuting to work and internet dating.

So yes this blog has taken a very drastic turn. No more cycling adventures with big bike rides in the countryside, up mountains with sunshine. This is now 9 to 5 working, a 7km commute and a dabble into internet dating.  And there are lessons to learn from all of this oh yes there are. Baby steps, baby steps.




 Commuting to work by bike



I am determined not to be a fair-weather commuter, I'm going to aim for Rule #5 rufty tufty commuter status, I will venture out high-vizzed upto the gazoo (which part of the anatomy that is I'm not sure) come rain or shine. So far this hasn't always panned out. I have chickened out on a few occasions and then regretted immediately the 281 bus journey - listening to inane conversations from people who say "fink" and "innit" a lot. It takes forever as the bus takes the longest route around the houses to Kingston. I fear this bus trip is only going to get worse when it's winter and the passengers all start sneezing over each other  No... commuting by bike has to be the way forward.


Because actually my route to work is extremely cathartic, it's along the river tow path where I see barges, long boats, rowers, ducks and swans (always had a soft spot for ducks and swans) and wonderful sunrises. Which gladdens my heart every morning as I cycle towards my place of employment. It certainly has helped my state of mind when things have seemed a bit crappy.  It uplifts my battered heart and gets it pumping again.

The logistics


It aint pretty !




















There are some basic logistics to consider as a commuter. Rather like when you start triathlon and you try and get your head around - so I swim, cycle and run one after the other - what the hell do I wear? And then it becomes clear. So I have made some quite big school girl errors.

1. Not carrying a spare tyre

Yep I know it's only 7km but actually there is a lot of glass along the tow path and of course on the day when I had loads of work on, no time for a lunch break - I got a puncture. I hadn't brought a spare. And even if I had although technically I know the procedure for mending a puncture I do usually defer to the nearest male if a tyre needs changing. Blood has even been shed when mending one of my tyres - so now I try to avoid. 

The chap in Halfords was very helpful. Never thought I'd write those words. In fact he was slightly over helpful, in the 20 minute window I had to get the puncture fixed and back to my desk.  Yes he was a bike geek and as he put my bike up on the frame - he spotted many adjustments that my bike would benefit from.  Don't mean to be rude but I really need to get back.  He adjusted my gears,  tutted at my chain and was starting to test my brakes - and my patience.  Yes, Yes, Yes, thank you I need to get back. He won't last long there he is wayyyyyyy too helpful!



2. The logistics of what to wear it's easy - cycle to work - shower - change into clothes....




Week 1 - cycle to work - shower - change into clothes - no underwear.  
Eeekkkkk that horrific moment when you realise your bra and pants are still in the drawer at home. This was week 1 I didn't know my colleagues very well. It had already felt a little bit wrong being naked in my place of work and showering.  God help me if the fire alarm goes off.  It's fine I'll wear my sweaty sports bra and have to go commando.  I got away with it.

Week 2 - cycle to work - shower - forget towel

Ahh soaking wet no method of drying myself.  For a brief moment I eyed up the sad faded thread bare towels that others had left over the door. Could I? No, knowing my luck the person whose towel it was would come in and I'd have a lot of blustering explaining to do. And actually there was just something a bit icky about it. No it's fine I would use my sports bra as a method of drying myself. I chuckled to myself - ahh yes I hadn't been outwitted. Very clever Catherine. As I rummaged into by sports bag for my dry underwear.

Nooooooooooo! I looked at my slightly see through professional attire for the day. No I was going to have to put on the now soaking sports bra.  Which was OK but as the morning went on, sat at my desk, slowly the wet bra started seeping through my jumper.  I hadn't had this wet patch problem since I'd been breastfeeding!

So the point is that rather like triathlon it's all about getting your kit ready the night before. Laying it all out and being prepared
.  


3. Lights lights lights



When the clocks changed and I looked out of the office window at 4.30pm and it was pitch black, realisation dawned. My current lights were not going to be enough to guide my way home.  As the time to cycle home drew nearer I found myself getting quite anxious about my journey home. I was going to have to take a different unexplored route home as the tow path is not lit up and is full of pot holes. And, being a tow path it's right next to a cold wet river. I really wasn't suffieciently lit up enough, so nervously I set off.  As I made it to Teddington Lock bridge relief flooded through me -I'd made it without being knocked off.  I then caught the barrier and fell off. Obviously in front of others, ripping by winter bib tights. Crash! You Ok? yep yep yep me fighting back tears! Tomorrow I was going to go into Halfords to throw lots of money at lights.  

I now have an array of lights, front lights, back lights, flashing lights, helmet lights.  And you can guarantee I bump into no-one in the corridors when I'm wearing my professional attire by day but you can guarantee when I'm fully lycra-ed up with my helmet flashing like a Christmas tree (not a euphemism) I bump into every bugger. Cringe. But I'm still alive right?


I do sometimes look at those Mary Poppins type women commuting on their bikes with their boots, skirt and tights on, and wonder if it's entirely necessary for me to be in full MAMIL attire? But they must be a bit stinky at work surely? Or maybe these are the women who don't sweat but glow and have a clean oven. Probably got a full set of co-ordinating underwear on underneath as well!!



INTERNET DATING  - Oh God!

So before Christmas curiosity got the better of me and I joined a dating site, just to see what the dating gene pool might look like. Not good.

The Dream
The reality




















I duly did a bio - and posted some photos.  Admittedly a lot of me looking goofy in a cycling helmet, none of me actually looking like a proper girl in a dress. No pouting - no pouting is for silly young girls who take selfies all the time. I was hoping to convey that I didn't take myself too seriously.

So what I did discover is that someone needs to tell some of these men that they are never going to get a date by:-

a) using a photo that has been shot upwards beneath their double chin 
b) posting a photo without your head in the picture and your polyester shirt unbuttoned - is that supposed to be sexy?
c) where you've obviously cut off your ex wife because her hand is still visible on your shoulder 
d) smile - for fucks sake smile I know life is tough but you look cross.  


Many of the photo's looked like they were taken in a smoke filled prison cell. Remember the Nick Nolte police mug shot. Yep that's it - you think you're going to attract someone with that? I had been hoping for something like Euan McGregor and what I was seeing was more Rab C Nesbitt.  So if it wasn't their photo's then maybe it was their sparkling conversation that was going to win me over? There were several types....


Middle aged man seeks date. GSOH. Into Horse Back Riding.


  • The Young Ones 

They wink at you.  Well the 28 year olds do.  Really 28? And then they text. They ridiculously flatter you (do people really believe that shit) and then ask "Chica is 28 too young?" Me to them ....."Yep - go ask your mum if you're allowed out!"  If they cycled they'd probably still have stabilisers! 
What would I do with a 28 year old anyway? Well I just wouldn't, it would feel ridiculous. No dating in places with strip lighting for a start. A man with a younger woman is always commended with a slap on the back by their mates in the pub. A woman with a younger man it just doesn't translate the same. Like Madonna dating her backing dancers. Hypocrisy I know, but none the less the truth. So that's a no. They're blocked.

  • The Old Ones

And then the 72 year old from Chelsea who to be fair still had all his own hair and teeth and wanted to take me for "drinkies in Chelsea" he was an artist and looked as if had been in ABBA at some point.  So the conversation went like this...
Him "Can I take you for drinkies in Chelsea?"
Me " Can I get to know a bit more about you first?" (you are fucking 72 but this is interesting) "You say you're an artist and filmmaker what sort of things do you do?"
Him: "Short films, experimental, not many actors"......errrrr is it just me but that just sounded very dodgy.  FFS. I blocked him.

  • The quite frankly haven't got a brain ones

The next one:
Me: Hi how are you?
Him: Just going for a shower LOL! winking emoji.   

I didn't text back. Errrrr really not sure where you want me to go with that one but I'm not playing that game. So I left it that night but the next morning I innocently texted.


Me: Just about to cycle to work will text later if I can still feel my fingers very frosty today.

Him: I've got something you can warm your hands on LOL! winking emoji
God really? I blocked him.

  • The Lets Chat Offline

The first one that asked me for my email address after an initial "Hi how are you?". No -  if it's OK with you I'd rather chat on this Police Identikit Dating website first please.  Him "Your choice" no further communication ensued. WTF? not sure what I would have been posted if I had encouraged that one. I blocked him.

  • The Seemingly Normal Ones

Then the ones that chat with you via text with no innuendo - that's good. Ask lots of questions and seem normal, it's all going well lots in common, sense of humour. And then just disappear with no explanation - I believe it's called ghosting. I obviously don't get the whole etiquette of this internet dating. They've been blocked.

  • Weird Hobbies

So everyone lists their hobbies. If they cycle then WOW. And I think I might be missing something here or have I got a smutty mind? Horse Back Riding?  I never knew so many men were into Horse Back Riding 85% have listed it as a hobby. I can honestly say none of the men I have EVER dated EVER have been into horse riding. And I'm not on some special Pony Club dating site either. I'm wondering if it is code for something? 

I can pout with the rest of them! Even if a bit crinkly.
So have I had any dates? No. Do I have the patience to pursue this? No. I've never had to date in the internet age before and think that people hide behind emails, so they can go further than they would if you met them face to face with no consequence.  As I said to a friend at a drinks party recently.  I bet not one of the men I chat to at this party tonight will say to me. "Hi how are you - I've got something you can warm your hands on!" Because you just wouldn't would you? So why is that acceptable on the internet?

I suspect that a lot of these men get on a date and when she turns up - she'll look nothing like her pouting heavily filtered photo with the halo of flowers or bunny ears circling her head.


What's Next?

I'm just an old fashioned girl who doesn't need her ego boosted by a stupid foolish young man. I want to go out for a drink with someone who has earned the lines on their face, can talk about life, have some eye contact, and share some laughter. And then just see where it goes from there. If I can end up in a hammock looking up at the stars with someone again then I'll be a very lucky girl but it seems a long long way off at present.
Watch this space and it very much is still a space at the moment. 

In the meantime I have started yoga to restore some calm into my life in the spirit of being kind to myself. I'm going to reconnect with old friends that I have neglected. My favourite book at the moment is the Reader's Digest DIY hints and tips as I try to make this house my home and drill messy holes in my walls to my hearts content. Onwards and upwards my friends - only ever forward. Happy 2018!



Sunday, 6 August 2017

Chapter 27 Life is a marathon not a sprint



Sometimes life is a fold up bike,
awkward, cumbersome
and bloody hard work!
Life is a journey of ups and downs, highs and lows - sometimes you're on the slick road bike speeding down a descent on smooth tarmac other times you're pedalling up hill on the commuter fold up bike. And so at a point in my life which was definitely one of the lows, cycling has been my saviour.  There were several things in the diary to aim for this year ETE training camp in February (see chapter 26) - Mallorca 312 in April and Velothon Berlin in June.  There's nothing like a sportive to scare the shit out of you and get you pedalling your arse off.  I was drained emotionally and physically I had definitely lost my mojo. So I needed some things to kick start me again.


April - Bella Velo Cycle Club


My local cycling buddy Eva had been joining a womens only cycling group Bella Velo on thursdays for laps around Richmond Park, a simple 50km door to door route. She persuaded me to come with her. Thank you Eva for getting me off my sorry arse and back into lycra. We joined a group of ladies of varying ages for laps and we got chatting to each other along the way.  As I cycled next to a petite blonde I bemoaned the fact that I had lost my mojo and had no energy. "Yeah" she said "me too - I'm just out of hospital recovering from pneumonia" and her mother was ill in hospital. Holy shit she was whooping my arse. Blimey stop moaning Catherine and get pedalling. Sometimes other peoples stories put life into perspective and you realise life ain't so bad. My next adventure was to be in Wales.


Hobbits journey to Caerphilly Mountain




Let them eat cake!
I have been likened to a hobbit and in fact my mission to conquer Caerphilly Mountain felt at times like an epic quest. During Velothon Wales Caerphilly Mountain comes at the 120km mark.  By this time I always have to get off my bike and walk it, I'm absolutely bloody knackered, not once have I managed to cycle up it. So I was determined that it wasn't going to beat me and I would conquer it. 

So like a hobbit I gathered together some faithful friends, in this case Gareth and Amanda to help me on my epic quest. So for this hobbit Caerphilly Mountain was my Lonely Mountain and let's be honest it certainly felt at times like we were in Middle Earth (no offence to any welsh friends). I bravely volunteered to navigate to reach Lonely Mountain and save the ring. No wait a minute.......to navigate the route to Caerphilly Mountain and be ride leader. That's it, my precious.



MerryMand, Gared and Bilbo - smiling now !!

No it's not it - there are two issues with this previous statement. Anyone that has cycled with me knows that I never really remember a route and usually rely on the navigation of others, even Chris Scott and his 20 sheets of A4 paper. So this was to be my big moment.  The other thing people that cycle with me know is that I always have issues with my Garmin Edge.  So this was to be a real test - ride leading using a route loaded from Strava onto my Garmin Edge. What could possibly go wrong?


Day 1 Middle Earth a tale of dual carriageways and roundabouts


Off the merry trio set Bilbo, Gared and MerryMand through the country lanes, beautiful scenery and epic hills.  Actually it all went horribly wrong just three yards up the drive of the B&B. Me to Gared and MerryManda..... sorry I mean Amanda and Gareth ....
Me: "OK let me just load the preloaded route onto my Garmin" tap tap tap
Garmin:  "Fuck off Catherine" 
Me:"OK just searching for the start of the route now" 
Garmin: "Fuck Off Catherine".......Bloody bastard heap of shit. 
Me: "OK it doesn't look as if it can find the start of the route - lets just see if it picks it up".
It started well - country lanes, green fields, hillside views, sheep but quite quickly we ended up on a tour of housing estates and the many dual carriageways of South Wales.  If this is your thing by all means you can download my route from Strava, but I wouldn't recommend it. Dual carriageways are no fun, meandering through broken wing mirrors and hub caps on the hard shoulder and we covered quite a few of them. Actually housing estates aren't to be recommended either. But do you know what really isn't any fun?  Big bastard roundabouts with five exits of busy rush hour traffic, 2 of them leading off to the M5...


The roundabout of doom


So three cyclists with cleated shoes (not easy to walk in let alone run in) in the middle of one of the busiest concrete roundabouts in South Wales.  Where do we need to be ? - Gareth "Over there!" points across two lanes of fast oncoming traffic.  Amanda and I "oh shit!" We couldn't cycle across the lanes we had to act as pedestrians because somehow we knew that as pedestrians crossing rather than cyclists the traffic were going to be more sympathetic to our plight. 
Gareth: "After 3 make a run for it..1,2,3" We all clip clopped in our cleated shoes forward.  Five cars came racing towards us. 
Gareth "BACK! BACK! BACK!". The 3 of us scuttled backwards with our bikes......
Gareth "GO!" we skittered again across to the other side.  Bloody hell that was scary, this must be how hedgehogs feel everyday.  Where now? I was now deferring to Gareth on the basis he is a) Welsh and b) a boy, so he'd know.

"Up there". Well that was a brilliant idea, "up there" was Barrack Hill, that bizarrely enough had a barracks at the top and was actually pretty bloody hilly. Made even better by a bus load of lairey army boys jeering us on. We didn't care we were just glad to be alive! 


Next stop Caerphilly Mountain





Once we got to Caerphilly Mountain it was great. It was a bloody relief to be honest. I had realised my ride leading days were over before they'd even begun.  I also came to realise that actually Amanda's Sat Nav on her phone was just as effective as my Garmin Edge 810 (too clever for it's own good). And that yes having not previously cycled 120km before we got to Caerphilly Mountain, as I have done at Velothon Wales, I can in fact get up it without getting off ......my precious. Yippee. Nemesis conquered. 
Caerphilly we smashed it - well we cycled up it anyway.








Caerphilly Castle in Welsh Wales just off the B4263


Proper Welsh cycling


We saw my friend Faye in the pub that night.  We saw your route on Strava, what the hell was that all about? where the hell did you go? It looks like you were on the dual carriageway?" Me: "Yeah yeah I know". I wouldn't be taking journalists from Cycling Weekly on that route would I?

To be fair though I think Gared, MerryMand and I have discovered some new Strava segments. And we'll probably hold those KOM and QOM trophies for quite some time as no other bugger is going to be cycling THAT route again unlesss they're doing a paper round up there.



Steph, Amanda, Faye and I - proper welsh cycling

The next day Faye and Steph took us on a proper welsh riding experience with countryside, lanes, green fields, sheep and most importantly a big slab of cake.  Thank you Faye for some proper ride leading.  If you want proper cycle routes in Wales look to Faye - don't choose the hobbit - look to Faye.

The quest was over .....but no this was mere training for the Mallorca 312. Sunnier warmer cycling without housing estates and dual carriageways.



Mallorca 312







Yes 312km cycling around Mallorca on closed roads.  The roads are gorgeous in Mallorca anyway but for them to be closed to traffic as well, sheer bliss.  So the 312 bit - yeah well I wasn't actually doing the 312 bit, I was doing the 167km bit - I'm not that sadistic.  There was a big group of us out with Sunvelo who we'd booked it through. It felt like one big happy reunion, it was good to see everyone again, some of my dearest cycling friends and some new cycling friends too. 

We all arrived at differing stages of the week, some did epic training rides, other's went on cake bimbles to the beach taking selfies all the way - yes you Lisa! (Although before she has a go at me she had arrived earlier in the week and had already put a lot of kms in.)
Me, Sandy and Lisa do the beach beach bimble


And it's fair to say we were all of differing abilities and fitness levels but with one thing in common a love of cycling. There were thousands of cyclists that had descended on Mallorca for the 312 so there was a really great atmosphere, quite a fire hazard though with all that lycra! We were all excited for the big day - sleepless nights all round. 



Training ride upto the lighthouse -
Me, Sandy, Clare Lisa and Nathan scorchio



Formentour Beach where the ferry runs from
with obligatory cake.


The big day



Senor Sunvelo and Sandy
chilled actually just chilly! 






Huddling for warmth at the start! 















We were lucky when the big day arrived it wasn't raining. Previous years have been torrential by all accounts. So much for viva los sunny Espania. And the start time was a very reasonable 9am - unless you were in Lisa's advance party at 7am!! The later start was good, I hate having to force feed porridge and breakfast down me at some ungodly hour. It was a chilly start but not wet. We set off in a nervous group of five Gareth, Kelvin, Clare, Nathan and I up the first climb to the infamous garage.  Obviously, because all Mallorcan rides lead to the garage. All of us had our different concerns about the day, some the descents, some the ascents so we were all finding our zone.

Nathan whipped us into a chain gang and the first stretch went smoothly.  Then before the first ascent we all needed a pee in the bushes - it was all that excitement.  As I readjusted my bib shorts having successfully managed to not pee on my feet.  Heh! I'm a girl it's tricky for us girls. I heard my name being shouted "Catherine!" - it was my good friends Steve and JT. Of all the thousands of cyclists we had managed to bump into each other.  



Tres Amigos - Me, JT and Steve
and lots of MAMILs

They kindly agreed to cycle with me.  Which was nice, well apart from the fact they are much faster than me.  Steve said it was so we could gossip.  Gossip? I wasn't planning on being able to speak let alone gossip.  But yep we did gossip and we did a rapid cycle upto the garage.  Actually my fastest time upto the garage ever. The gossip must have been good. Thanks Steve for pushing me on and making it seem like a social ride all the way around.  And JT for patiently waiting for me to catch up.


Mecca the feed station

People get very bent out of shape before these sportives. They get nervous. They over worry stuff. Someone very wise once told me it's just a bike ride.  You know that's a good piece of advice, it gets it into perspective.  We're not part of the Tour de France - it's just a bike ride. Go and enjoy it.  
Still smiling but ever so slightly hungry!

Well I was enjoying it with Steve and JT we were actually having lots of fun.  Mainly laughing at some of the lycra views in front of us.  Seriously some people  really should see what others are seeing.  If my hopes were that the view would be athletic and toned lycra before me, I was sadly mistaken.  For most of the ride we were preceded by the oldest most faded pair of bib shorts on the island. Really? I can see everything and not in a good way. Like a faded blue vision in front of my eyes he kept drifting into view. And yet again I would strongly advise - white lycra - never! - not ever! - on no-one does this ever look good.



The route

It was good. Apart from the bit where the first feed station was at 96km after one of the bigger climbs on the route.  At this point we were getting cranky and very very hungry, there's only so many jelly babies you can eat.  Steve was our  domestique, he duly went and hunted and gathered JT and I some sandwiches of dubious pink plastic meat (tried not to look too closely) and a very dodgy looking cake in a bag.  We didn't bother to analyse the nutritional value too much - I've never seen sandwiches disappear into peoples mouths so quickly.  We nearly ate our hands off! 


Thank God for that after 92km

Well we did it - some of us together, some of us on our own in places, some had to hitch a ride home - eh Kelvin? But we all made it to the end in one piece.  What an absolutely brilliant day. Simply stunning scenery I'd forgotten how gorgeous Valledemossa is, some of the views over the sea were absolutely breathtaking. Great mountain climbs, smooth tarmac and such a great atmosphere. I certainly earned my bedtime milk that day! If you haven't signed up for it yet - do it - you won't regret it, it's a stunning ride. Thanks to Sunvelo for the great organisation. 

As ever I met some really great people cycling and I hope our paths will cross again to share some more laughter, some kms, some cake and inevitably some red wine too! 





And then I came home to the next chapter of my life........

Velothon Berlin


My friends Sandy, Lisa and I were due to do this, but things were not to be for me, life sometimes gets in the way of an adventure.  Which I'm rather glad about after I received a rather panicked Whatsup from them on the day before the ride.  We'd signed up for 180km.  Which I remember thinking at the time was a tad ambitious. And then I got this message from Lisa...





Oh good luck with that girls.  Well of course they did it - because they always do.  Well done girls and hopefully when things settle down I will be able to join you again on another cycling adventure.


The next chapter....

And so as I say sometimes life gets in the way and you lose your mojo a bit. So for now my sporting endeavours are on hold, in the interests of self preservation. But life is a marathon not a sprint, I'll be back!  For now I'm more likely to be found in B&Q than Sigma Sport.


Life before - racy!
Life now - a bit more commuter for a while!
















Monday, 20 February 2017

Chapter 26 - ETE Training Camp - Stunt Women, Vets, Potato Farmers and I





There is always a moment of euphoria when I book a training camp, followed quite quickly by doubts and reservations about what it's going to be like.  I usually go on my own but have always found that you really do meet some really lovely people. Where else can you meet a stunt woman, a vet and a potato farmer who the week before had fallen down a man hole ?!! Never a dull moment. And let it be said never judge a book by it's cover sometimes the most unlikely of people are actually hard core athletes.

So I was booked onto the February Elite Training Experience camp in Cyprus www.elitetrainingexperience.com Once again nerves had got me the night before about whether I really wanted to be doing this?  What if they were all amazing athletes and I was left in the slow lane always being called up by the coach. The great thing with Triathlon is that there are 3 disciplines and so you can guarantee that everyone has a favourite and a least-favourite discipline.  Those who love the cycling may dread the swimming, and so everyone potentially has a chance to shine. One of the  differences with Elite Training Experience is that you really are training alongside some Elite athletes. Oh shit ! was this really such a good idea ? 


The aliens have landed....

What can you fit in a bike box ?
You can quite easily detect your fellow campers at the departure lounge by their Ironman branded bags. Which usually means I've spotted them way before they've spotted me. Obviously this is on account of me never having done an Ironman and so I haven't felt the need to wear the full range of Ironman branded merchandise. I've always found those finishers T-shirts to be highly flammable and usually in a size XL.  Good clobber for decorating in, but surely not for day-time wear? Believe me though if I'd swum 3.86km, cycled 180km and then done a Marathon, I think I would even have the IM tattoo inked onto my forehead!

We were told there were 6 of us on the flight but I'd only managed to spot 3. Once we got to Paphos airport though and several of us headed towards the oversized baggage area to collect our bike boxes there was no denying who was there for the camp. 


We were met at the airport by Julian Hucker the founder of ETE.  I nearly didn't recognise him as he wasn't wearing his dungarees that I remember him wearing when we were at school together!! Channelling Dexy's Midnight Runners. It was good to see a familiar face.


Our first team challenge at the hotel was to put our bikes back together again, and all before the light faded. Reading glasses and torches at the ready this was a great team building exercise as people struggled with pedals and seat posts. It's that moment when everyone is secretly eyeing up and assessing everyone elses bikes. Bike porn. But it was Sebastian from Paris who surely won with his very sexy black TT bike.  I had my dependable Ridley, now looking slightly inadequate against all the modern Felt bikes. But heh at least I knew how to put it together and I think I may have been the first person to have their bike ready.  Me competitive ? Non ! Maybe this would be my one and only moment of glory of the week?



The Black Shadow aka Sebastian

DAY 1 ON CAMP


A quick breakfast as we all gathered together in the hotel restaurant in our ETE branded T-shirts and caps. We blended in seamlessly with the rest of the hotel clientele. Which was good because we were to return for sneaky breakfast 2 after the swim set. Did I say blending in? Uhmmm maybe not.  Shall we say we were slightly younger than the rest of the hotel clientele and often referred to in hushed tones of "they're the cyclists".  We felt great though like a squad! #deluded



SWIM

Anna Hague Swimming #pro

So with trepidation we piled into the minibus for our first training session together. A swim set at 8am. The Elite's were already there creaming up and down the pool.  It was here that we met coach Perry Agass from Trisutto www.trisutto.com for the first time.

It's fair to say of the 3 disciplines swimming is the one area before camp that I really felt I needed some coaching in. I had long got into the habit of my weekly 2.5km swim.  I could now bubble bubble breath and even alternate breath every 3 strokes.  But I knew my stroke needed perfecting I had become lazy and my left arm wasn't even trying.




Coach Perry and I at the pool

Perry did an amazing job of coaching 4 lanes of swimmers of varying aptitude. I think it's fair to say everyone felt they had been coached individually.  I was told I was too elegant and not aggressive enough.  "Watch this" said Perry in his cockney accent "Fiona swim up the pool" - Ahh yes I thought as I watched Fiona thrashing up the pool. That stroke needs to be sorted out.  Perry "That's how I want you to swim" Me "What ? Really ?" Perry "Yes Cafrin, way too elegant for my liking more aggression and breath every 2 strokes" - blimey I really was going to have to put more effort in.  Roll on breakfast number 2. It seems Fiona a very slim older woman was in fact a dark horse.  Looks can be deceiving she was a very  competent strong triathlete with several Ironmans under her belt. Who knew ?

Perry had marked the swim set on a float in metres.  I believe this is standard.  But I hadn't been to swim training for ages.  I still work in laps - 1 long session of 2.5km!  So the first task was 200m warm up - it was taking me a while to work it out - partly nerves and not wanting to fuck up.  Right 25m pool, so 100m would be 4 laps oh right so you mean 8 laps? He looked at me, this was just the warm up - blimey we've got a right one here! 



200m that's 8 laps to you Catherine

BIKE - The Magic Roundabout

Magic Roundabout think we're all represented here !!




Round and About - mad up and always signal

Our first bike session was on a nice flat bit of road with roundabouts. Sounds easy right ? Wrong ! We were introduced to hard gearing and the Cyprus wind.  Not a side effect of buffet eating, no gusts of winds, that really did challenge you on the bike. Mad up and easy back.  Once again Perry was on the sidelines shouting instructions.  "Cafrin your bike is too small"  Yes well it was sold to me by a giant who thinks I'm a midget.  Perry then proceeded to adjust my saddle up.  To a position I have to say that was way out of my comfort zone.  Mainly because I'm old fashioned, in that I like to be able to touch the ground with my feet. But as I set off up the dual carriageway once again I did feel more efficient.  Not sure I could sustain that saddle height for a long distance cycling event but certainly for these exercises I felt more powerful.
Adjustments


We did have a beautiful ride out to the Aphrodite Hills which was stunning. The local ride leader was introduced to us, he looked pretty hardcore.  As it turns out he was - off we all set, by the second roundabout he was nowhere to be seen.  Think he was challenging Wiggo to the UCI hour record.  Maybe something had been lost in translation? We saw him one more time as he swooshed past us downhill at speed. Seeya then! 
A bit of culture - Aphrodite Hills

RUN


On Day 2 we had a session at the local running track. Off we were all sent around the track. I have to say I thought I held my own.  It was sunny and quite hot so was quite hard work, and I felt totally inspired by the second corner where Julian was sat leisurely on his phone taking crowd funding calls!  Perry called me off to the side.  "Cafrin - you can run on the grass"  This was the equivalent of the paddock where the injured ponies were.  You know like the girl that had fallen down a man hole. Let's call her Davina. We'll call her Davina because that's her name.  It's safe to say Davina has not had a run of luck lately and her boyfriend Iain with 2 i's is contemplating wrapping her in bubble wrap.  A week before camp Davina fell down a drain.  Yes a drain. Upto her armpits in water.  Had to be helped out.  13 stitches in her leg.  So Davina wasn't able to swim, or run much. Although I think even she picked up some swimming tips by the side of the pool whilst sipping her morning latte.  She made up for it on the bike though. Storming up those hills. 


BUFFET EATING #CLEANEATING

For the record that is Greek Yoghurt not cream #healthy

Hotel buffet eating has always fascinated me.  The endless food combinations that can be had.  Anyone who has been on a triathlon training camp will tell you - you get really hungry.  So it was good that we had a vast buffet laid out before us.  So many variations of food on one plate.  For instance that well known dish - bread roll, coleslaw, spaghetti and hot roast beef. You know who you are !! And that other well known clean eating dish 5 Chocolate Doughnut tower.  And I particularly enjoyed latte in a teapot. Scooping out the froth at the bottom. 

So you get hungry and you're certainly burning the calories so on Day 1 I trotted off to the hotel supermarket to get some chocolate.  Slightly awkward moment as the checkout girl looked at me - looked at the Mars Bar, The Galaxy, The Skittles and the Ritter Sport chocolate bars - looked at me again - looked at the stash - looked at me - looked at her checkout colleague.  A knowing look was exchanged between them.  Then a slightly sympathetic look was given to me - yep they think I'm bulimic !! Couldn't get out of there with my stash fast enough.
Stash - it's says sport right so must be healthy ?

It's always good with these camps to compare notes.  Everyone is usually very friendly and happy to share experiences, top tips and advice.  And it was certainly nice to have the Elites alongside us who were very enthusiastic and quite frankly an inspiration. I won't be doing an Ironman any day soon, but I certainly feel I have come away with some new techniques and it's made me want to enter some triathlons again this year.  I know some people think I'm mad going on these camps, and that triathletes are a strange species.  But I love listening to peoples stories about their journey into Triathlon and they are a diverse group. You never know who you're going to meet. Potato farmers, stunt women, and vets. But I can honestly say we trained hard, we ate loads, and there was a lot of laughter along the way. Thank you everyone for a great experience ! 
Davina and I 
Day 1 still smiling Sebastian, Iain and Davina



All content strictly copyright Catherine Jevans 2017.
Some images courtesy of Mockapot Productions.