Chapter 27 Life is a marathon not a sprint

Sometimes life is a fold up bike,
awkward, cumbersome
and bloody hard work!

Life is a journey of ups and downs, highs and lows - sometimes you're on the slick road bike speeding down a descent on smooth tarmac other times you're pedalling up hill on the commuter fold up bike. And so at a point in my life which was definitely one of the lows, cycling has been my saviour.  There were several things in the diary to aim for this year ETE training camp in February (see chapter 26) - Mallorca 312 in April and Velothon Berlin in June.  There's nothing like a sportive to scare the shit out of you and get you pedalling your arse off.  I was drained emotionally and physically I had definitely lost my mojo. So I needed some things to kick start me again.

April - Bella Velo Cycle Club

My local cycling buddy Eva had been joining a womens only cycling group Bella Velo on thursdays for laps around Richmond Park, a simple 50km door to door route. She persuaded me to come with her. Thank you Eva for getting me off my sorry arse and back into lycra. We joined a group of ladies of varying ages for laps and we got chatting to each other along the way.  As I cycled next to a petite blonde I bemoaned the fact that I had lost my mojo and had no energy. "Yeah" she said "me too - I'm just out of hospital recovering from pneumonia" and her mother was ill in hospital. Holy shit she was whooping my arse. Blimey stop moaning Catherine and get pedalling. Sometimes other peoples stories put life into perspective and you realise life ain't so bad. My next adventure was to be in Wales.

Hobbits journey to Caerphilly Mountain

Let them eat cake!

I have been likened to a hobbit and in fact my mission to conquer Caerphilly Mountain felt at times like an epic quest. During Velothon Wales Caerphilly Mountain comes at the 120km mark.  By this time I always have to get off my bike and walk it, I'm absolutely bloody knackered, not once have I managed to cycle up it. So I was determined that it wasn't going to beat me and I would conquer it. 

So like a hobbit I gathered together some faithful friends, in this case Gareth and Amanda to help me on my epic quest. So for this hobbit Caerphilly Mountain was my Lonely Mountain and let's be honest it certainly felt at times like we were in Middle Earth (no offence to any welsh friends). I bravely volunteered to navigate to reach Lonely Mountain and save the ring. No wait a minute.......to navigate the route to Caerphilly Mountain and be ride leader. That's it, my precious.

MerryMand, Gared and Bilbo - smiling now !!

No it's not it - there are two issues with this previous statement. Anyone that has cycled with me knows that I never really remember a route and usually rely on the navigation of others, even Chris Scott and his 20 sheets of A4 paper. So this was to be my big moment.  The other thing people that cycle with me know is that I always have issues with my Garmin Edge.  So this was to be a real test - ride leading using a route loaded from Strava onto my Garmin Edge. What could possibly go wrong?

Day 1 Middle Earth a tale of dual carriageways and roundabouts

Off the merry trio set Bilbo, Gared and MerryMand through the country lanes, beautiful scenery and epic hills.  Actually it all went horribly wrong just three yards up the drive of the B&B. Me to Gared and MerryManda..... sorry I mean Amanda and Gareth ....
Me: "OK let me just load the preloaded route onto my Garmin" tap tap tap
Garmin:  "Fuck off Catherine" 
Me:"OK just searching for the start of the route now" 
Garmin: "Fuck Off Catherine".......Bloody bastard heap of shit. 
Me: "OK it doesn't look as if it can find the start of the route - lets just see if it picks it up".
It started well - country lanes, green fields, hillside views, sheep but quite quickly we ended up on a tour of housing estates and the many dual carriageways of South Wales.  If this is your thing by all means you can download my route from Strava, but I wouldn't recommend it. Dual carriageways are no fun, meandering through broken wing mirrors and hub caps on the hard shoulder and we covered quite a few of them. Actually housing estates aren't to be recommended either. But do you know what really isn't any fun?  Big bastard roundabouts with five exits of busy rush hour traffic, 2 of them leading off to the M5...

The roundabout of doom

So three cyclists with cleated shoes (not easy to walk in let alone run in) in the middle of one of the busiest concrete roundabouts in South Wales.  Where do we need to be ? - Gareth "Over there!" points across two lanes of fast oncoming traffic.  Amanda and I "oh shit!" We couldn't cycle across the lanes we had to act as pedestrians because somehow we knew that as pedestrians crossing rather than cyclists the traffic were going to be more sympathetic to our plight. 
Gareth: "After 3 make a run for it..1,2,3" We all clip clopped in our cleated shoes forward.  Five cars came racing towards us. 
Gareth "BACK! BACK! BACK!". The 3 of us scuttled backwards with our bikes......
Gareth "GO!" we skittered again across to the other side.  Bloody hell that was scary, this must be how hedgehogs feel everyday.  Where now? I was now deferring to Gareth on the basis he is a) Welsh and b) a boy, so he'd know.

"Up there". Well that was a brilliant idea, "up there" was Barrack Hill, that bizarrely enough had a barracks at the top and was actually pretty bloody hilly. Made even better by a bus load of lairey army boys jeering us on. We didn't care we were just glad to be alive! 

Next stop Caerphilly Mountain

Once we got to Caerphilly Mountain it was great. It was a bloody relief to be honest. I had realised my ride leading days were over before they'd even begun.  I also came to realise that actually Amanda's Sat Nav on her phone was just as effective as my Garmin Edge 810 (too clever for it's own good). And that yes having not previously cycled 120km before we got to Caerphilly Mountain, as I have done at Velothon Wales, I can in fact get up it without getting off ......my precious. Yippee. Nemesis conquered. 

Caerphilly we smashed it - well we cycled up it anyway.

Caerphilly Castle in Welsh Wales just off the B4263

Proper Welsh cycling

We saw my friend Faye in the pub that night.  We saw your route on Strava, what the hell was that all about? where the hell did you go? It looks like you were on the dual carriageway?" Me: "Yeah yeah I know". I wouldn't be taking journalists from Cycling Weekly on that route would I?

To be fair though I think Gared, MerryMand and I have discovered some new Strava segments. And we'll probably hold those KOM and QOM trophies for quite some time as no other bugger is going to be cycling THAT route again unlesss they're doing a paper round up there.

Steph, Amanda, Faye and I - proper welsh cycling

The next day Faye and Steph took us on a proper welsh riding experience with countryside, lanes, green fields, sheep and most importantly a big slab of cake.  Thank you Faye for some proper ride leading.  If you want proper cycle routes in Wales look to Faye - don't choose the hobbit - look to Faye.

The quest was over .....but no this was mere training for the Mallorca 312. Sunnier warmer cycling without housing estates and dual carriageways.

Mallorca 312

Yes 312km cycling around Mallorca on closed roads.  The roads are gorgeous in Mallorca anyway but for them to be closed to traffic as well, sheer bliss.  So the 312 bit - yeah well I wasn't actually doing the 312 bit, I was doing the 167km bit - I'm not that sadistic.  There was a big group of us out with Sunvelo who we'd booked it through. It felt like one big happy reunion, it was good to see everyone again, some of my dearest cycling friends and some new cycling friends too. 

We all arrived at differing stages of the week, some did epic training rides, other's went on cake bimbles to the beach taking selfies all the way - yes you Lisa! (Although before she has a go at me she had arrived earlier in the week and had already put a lot of kms in.)

Me, Sandy and Lisa do the beach beach bimble

And it's fair to say we were all of differing abilities and fitness levels but with one thing in common a love of cycling. There were thousands of cyclists that had descended on Mallorca for the 312 so there was a really great atmosphere, quite a fire hazard though with all that lycra! We were all excited for the big day - sleepless nights all round. 

Training ride upto the lighthouse -
Me, Sandy, Clare Lisa and Nathan scorchio

Formentour Beach where the ferry runs from
with obligatory cake.

The big day

Senor Sunvelo and Sandy
chilled actually just chilly! 

Huddling for warmth at the start! 

We were lucky when the big day arrived it wasn't raining. Previous years have been torrential by all accounts. So much for viva los sunny Espania. And the start time was a very reasonable 9am - unless you were in Lisa's advance party at 7am!! The later start was good, I hate having to force feed porridge and breakfast down me at some ungodly hour. It was a chilly start but not wet. We set off in a nervous group of five Gareth, Kelvin, Clare, Nathan and I up the first climb to the infamous garage.  Obviously, because all Mallorcan rides lead to the garage. All of us had our different concerns about the day, some the descents, some the ascents so we were all finding our zone.

Nathan whipped us into a chain gang and the first stretch went smoothly.  Then before the first ascent we all needed a pee in the bushes - it was all that excitement.  As I readjusted my bib shorts having successfully managed to not pee on my feet.  Heh! I'm a girl it's tricky for us girls. I heard my name being shouted "Catherine!" - it was my good friends Steve and JT. Of all the thousands of cyclists we had managed to bump into each other.  

Tres Amigos - Me, JT and Steve
and lots of MAMILs

They kindly agreed to cycle with me.  Which was nice, well apart from the fact they are much faster than me.  Steve said it was so we could gossip.  Gossip? I wasn't planning on being able to speak let alone gossip.  But yep we did gossip and we did a rapid cycle upto the garage.  Actually my fastest time upto the garage ever. The gossip must have been good. Thanks Steve for pushing me on and making it seem like a social ride all the way around.  And JT for patiently waiting for me to catch up.

Mecca the feed station

People get very bent out of shape before these sportives. They get nervous. They over worry stuff. Someone very wise once told me it's just a bike ride.  You know that's a good piece of advice, it gets it into perspective.  We're not part of the Tour de France - it's just a bike ride. Go and enjoy it.  

Still smiling but ever so slightly hungry!

Well I was enjoying it with Steve and JT we were actually having lots of fun.  Mainly laughing at some of the lycra views in front of us.  Seriously some people  really should see what others are seeing.  If my hopes were that the view would be athletic and toned lycra before me, I was sadly mistaken.  For most of the ride we were preceded by the oldest most faded pair of bib shorts on the island. Really? I can see everything and not in a good way. Like a faded blue vision in front of my eyes he kept drifting into view. And yet again I would strongly advise - white lycra - never! - not ever! - on no-one does this ever look good.

The route

It was good. Apart from the bit where the first feed station was at 96km after one of the bigger climbs on the route.  At this point we were getting cranky and very very hungry, there's only so many jelly babies you can eat.  Steve was our  domestique, he duly went and hunted and gathered JT and I some sandwiches of dubious pink plastic meat (tried not to look too closely) and a very dodgy looking cake in a bag.  We didn't bother to analyse the nutritional value too much - I've never seen sandwiches disappear into peoples mouths so quickly.  We nearly ate our hands off! 

Thank God for that after 92km

Well we did it - some of us together, some of us on our own in places, some had to hitch a ride home - eh Kelvin? But we all made it to the end in one piece.  What an absolutely brilliant day. Simply stunning scenery I'd forgotten how gorgeous Valledemossa is, some of the views over the sea were absolutely breathtaking. Great mountain climbs, smooth tarmac and such a great atmosphere. I certainly earned my bedtime milk that day! If you haven't signed up for it yet - do it - you won't regret it, it's a stunning ride. Thanks to Sunvelo for the great organisation. 

As ever I met some really great people cycling and I hope our paths will cross again to share some more laughter, some kms, some cake and inevitably some red wine too! 





And then I came home to the next chapter of my life........

Velothon Berlin

My friends Sandy, Lisa and I were due to do this, but things were not to be for me, life sometimes gets in the way of an adventure.  Which I'm rather glad about after I received a rather panicked Whatsup from them on the day before the ride.  We'd signed up for 180km.  Which I remember thinking at the time was a tad ambitious. And then I got this message from Lisa...

Oh good luck with that girls.  Well of course they did it - because they always do.  Well done girls and hopefully when things settle down I will be able to join you again on another cycling adventure.

The next chapter....

And so as I say sometimes life gets in the way and you lose your mojo a bit. So for now my sporting endeavours are on hold, in the interests of self preservation. But life is a marathon not a sprint, I'll be back!  For now I'm more likely to be found in B&Q than Sigma Sport.

Life before - racy!

Life now - a bit more commuter for a while!

Chapter 26 - ETE Training Camp - Stunt Women, Vets, Potato Farmers and I

There is always a moment of euphoria when I book a training camp, followed quite quickly by doubts and reservations about what it's going to be like.  I usually go on my own but have always found that you really do meet some really lovely people. Where else can you meet a stunt woman, a vet and a potato farmer who the week before had fallen down a man hole ?!! Never a dull moment. And let it be said never judge a book by it's cover sometimes the most unlikely of people are actually hard core athletes.

So I was booked onto the February Elite Training Experience camp in Cyprus www.elitetrainingexperience.com Once again nerves had got me the night before about whether I really wanted to be doing this?  What if they were all amazing athletes and I was left in the slow lane always being called up by the coach. The great thing with Triathlon is that there are 3 disciplines and so you can guarantee that everyone has a favourite and a least-favourite discipline.  Those who love the cycling may dread the swimming, and so everyone potentially has a chance to shine. One of the  differences with Elite Training Experience is that you really are training alongside some Elite athletes. Oh shit ! was this really such a good idea ? 

The aliens have landed....

What can you fit in a bike box ?

You can quite easily detect your fellow campers at the departure lounge by their Ironman branded bags. Which usually means I've spotted them way before they've spotted me. Obviously this is on account of me never having done an Ironman and so I haven't felt the need to wear the full range of Ironman branded merchandise. I've always found those finishers T-shirts to be highly flammable and usually in a size XL.  Good clobber for decorating in, but surely not for day-time wear? Believe me though if I'd swum 3.86km, cycled 180km and then done a Marathon, I think I would even have the IM tattoo inked onto my forehead!

We were told there were 6 of us on the flight but I'd only managed to spot 3. Once we got to Paphos airport though and several of us headed towards the oversized baggage area to collect our bike boxes there was no denying who was there for the camp. 

We were met at the airport by Julian Hucker the founder of ETE.  I nearly didn't recognise him as he wasn't wearing his dungarees that I remember him wearing when we were at school together!! Channelling Dexy's Midnight Runners. It was good to see a familiar face.

Our first team challenge at the hotel was to put our bikes back together again, and all before the light faded. Reading glasses and torches at the ready this was a great team building exercise as people struggled with pedals and seat posts. It's that moment when everyone is secretly eyeing up and assessing everyone elses bikes. Bike porn. But it was Sebastian from Paris who surely won with his very sexy black TT bike.  I had my dependable Ridley, now looking slightly inadequate against all the modern Felt bikes. But heh at least I knew how to put it together and I think I may have been the first person to have their bike ready.  Me competitive ? Non ! Maybe this would be my one and only moment of glory of the week?

The Black Shadow aka Sebastian

DAY 1 ON CAMP

A quick breakfast as we all gathered together in the hotel restaurant in our ETE branded T-shirts and caps. We blended in seamlessly with the rest of the hotel clientele. Which was good because we were to return for sneaky breakfast 2 after the swim set. Did I say blending in? Uhmmm maybe not.  Shall we say we were slightly younger than the rest of the hotel clientele and often referred to in hushed tones of "they're the cyclists".  We felt great though like a squad! #deluded

SWIM

Anna Hague Swimming #pro

So with trepidation we piled into the minibus for our first training session together. A swim set at 8am. The Elite's were already there creaming up and down the pool.  It was here that we met coach Perry Agass from Trisutto www.trisutto.com for the first time.

It's fair to say of the 3 disciplines swimming is the one area before camp that I really felt I needed some coaching in. I had long got into the habit of my weekly 2.5km swim.  I could now bubble bubble breath and even alternate breath every 3 strokes.  But I knew my stroke needed perfecting I had become lazy and my left arm wasn't even trying.

Coach Perry and I at the pool

Perry did an amazing job of coaching 4 lanes of swimmers of varying aptitude. I think it's fair to say everyone felt they had been coached individually.  I was told I was too elegant and not aggressive enough.  "Watch this" said Perry in his cockney accent "Fiona swim up the pool" - Ahh yes I thought as I watched Fiona thrashing up the pool. That stroke needs to be sorted out.  Perry "That's how I want you to swim" Me "What ? Really ?" Perry "Yes Cafrin, way too elegant for my liking more aggression and breath every 2 strokes" - blimey I really was going to have to put more effort in.  Roll on breakfast number 2. It seems Fiona a very slim older woman was in fact a dark horse.  Looks can be deceiving she was a very  competent strong triathlete with several Ironmans under her belt. Who knew ?

Perry had marked the swim set on a float in metres.  I believe this is standard.  But I hadn't been to swim training for ages.  I still work in laps - 1 long session of 2.5km!  So the first task was 200m warm up - it was taking me a while to work it out - partly nerves and not wanting to fuck up.  Right 25m pool, so 100m would be 4 laps oh right so you mean 8 laps? He looked at me, this was just the warm up - blimey we've got a right one here! 

200m that's 8 laps to you Catherine

BIKE - The Magic Roundabout

Magic Roundabout think we're all represented here !!

Round and About - mad up and always signal

Our first bike session was on a nice flat bit of road with roundabouts. Sounds easy right ? Wrong ! We were introduced to hard gearing and the Cyprus wind.  Not a side effect of buffet eating, no gusts of winds, that really did challenge you on the bike. Mad up and easy back.  Once again Perry was on the sidelines shouting instructions.  "Cafrin your bike is too small"  Yes well it was sold to me by a giant who thinks I'm a midget.  Perry then proceeded to adjust my saddle up.  To a position I have to say that was way out of my comfort zone.  Mainly because I'm old fashioned, in that I like to be able to touch the ground with my feet. But as I set off up the dual carriageway once again I did feel more efficient.  Not sure I could sustain that saddle height for a long distance cycling event but certainly for these exercises I felt more powerful.

Adjustments

We did have a beautiful ride out to the Aphrodite Hills which was stunning. The local ride leader was introduced to us, he looked pretty hardcore.  As it turns out he was - off we all set, by the second roundabout he was nowhere to be seen.  Think he was challenging Wiggo to the UCI hour record.  Maybe something had been lost in translation? We saw him one more time as he swooshed past us downhill at speed. Seeya then! 

A bit of culture - Aphrodite Hills

RUN

On Day 2 we had a session at the local running track. Off we were all sent around the track. I have to say I thought I held my own.  It was sunny and quite hot so was quite hard work, and I felt totally inspired by the second corner where Julian was sat leisurely on his phone taking crowd funding calls!  Perry called me off to the side.  "Cafrin - you can run on the grass"  This was the equivalent of the paddock where the injured ponies were.  You know like the girl that had fallen down a man hole. Let's call her Davina. We'll call her Davina because that's her name.  It's safe to say Davina has not had a run of luck lately and her boyfriend Iain with 2 i's is contemplating wrapping her in bubble wrap.  A week before camp Davina fell down a drain.  Yes a drain. Upto her armpits in water.  Had to be helped out.  13 stitches in her leg.  So Davina wasn't able to swim, or run much. Although I think even she picked up some swimming tips by the side of the pool whilst sipping her morning latte.  She made up for it on the bike though. Storming up those hills. 

BUFFET EATING #CLEANEATING

For the record that is Greek Yoghurt not cream #healthy

Hotel buffet eating has always fascinated me.  The endless food combinations that can be had.  Anyone who has been on a triathlon training camp will tell you - you get really hungry.  So it was good that we had a vast buffet laid out before us.  So many variations of food on one plate.  For instance that well known dish - bread roll, coleslaw, spaghetti and hot roast beef. You know who you are !! And that other well known clean eating dish 5 Chocolate Doughnut tower.  And I particularly enjoyed latte in a teapot. Scooping out the froth at the bottom. 

So you get hungry and you're certainly burning the calories so on Day 1 I trotted off to the hotel supermarket to get some chocolate.  Slightly awkward moment as the checkout girl looked at me - looked at the Mars Bar, The Galaxy, The Skittles and the Ritter Sport chocolate bars - looked at me again - looked at the stash - looked at me - looked at her checkout colleague.  A knowing look was exchanged between them.  Then a slightly sympathetic look was given to me - yep they think I'm bulimic !! Couldn't get out of there with my stash fast enough.

Stash - it's says sport right so must be healthy ?

It's always good with these camps to compare notes.  Everyone is usually very friendly and happy to share experiences, top tips and advice.  And it was certainly nice to have the Elites alongside us who were very enthusiastic and quite frankly an inspiration. I won't be doing an Ironman any day soon, but I certainly feel I have come away with some new techniques and it's made me want to enter some triathlons again this year.  I know some people think I'm mad going on these camps, and that triathletes are a strange species.  But I love listening to peoples stories about their journey into Triathlon and they are a diverse group. You never know who you're going to meet. Potato farmers, stunt women, and vets. But I can honestly say we trained hard, we ate loads, and there was a lot of laughter along the way. Thank you everyone for a great experience ! 

Davina and I 

Day 1 still smiling Sebastian, Iain and Davina

All content strictly copyright Catherine Jevans 2017.
Some images courtesy of Mockapot Productions.

Chapter 25 - Preparing for training camp....

Training it's all about the training..

I decided that Dry January was probably a good step in preparing for ETE training camp in February. www.elitetrainingexperience.com. Other than feeling smug around those with hangovers, I was expecting to feel revitalised, pure and raring to go.  But the first gathering I attended sober the following day I awoke with a crashing headache the beginning of a 2 week head cold.  So much for feeling revitalised.  I felt cheated.  But I am persevering. Surely my skin is now glowing ? Maybe not, because to congratulate myself on my abstinence from drinking my consumption of chocolate has gone up exponentially. The Ying and Yang of life. I need something to keep me positive.

Hamster on a Turbo Trainer

So with less than 2 weeks to go how has the training gone ? An impending training camp in February has certainly focussed my mind on getting out the door in the winter months.  I have been like a hamster on a wheel on my turbo trainer.  My energy levels have been low so I haven't managed as much running as I would have liked and there is a nagging pain on the underside of my foot which I rather fear is planty-fleshy-itus.  I probably need to google this and see what is the best course of action.  But my self diagnosis is don't go running for a bit - best stay indoors and eat medicinal chocolate. yum yum yum.

The sportswear sales have proved quite tempting - although in the belief that once training really gets under way I can squeeze into those smaller sizes that were on offer .....uhmmmm may be slightly deluded.  New trainers, new bike, a couple of cycling tops and new non-see through swimsuits. 

New Bike n+1

Yes very dignified now. Just need to sort my swimming shit out.  Have really tried to get that lazy left arm sorted but quite frankly it is still just flapping around slapping the water like a belly flopper- hopefully some coaching in Cyprus will sort me out.

So the bit I dread most about the camp was on reading the kit list.  "We advise that you pack light" I have never been known to pack light and the last camp I attended the man at the check in desk asked me if I was emigrating.  

Always pack light

This is going to take several re-packs.  At least at training camp you don't go out in the evening.  You don't go out because you are completely knackered ! in a good way but completely knackered! So lets hope the people are nice.  I've met some lovely people at training camp. Some of them I would even consider as friends!

Getting Prepped

Bike in bike box ready to go

Bike box booked - always terrifying putting your beloved bike in a bike box.  It usually turns up in the right place, but then I need to put it back together again - eeekkkkkk. Need to get on that bike mechanics course pronto.  Could this be my new vocation in life? Bike Engineer. After much wrestling with the pedals the bike was in the box ready to be shipped. Lets hope it fits in the back of my car. 

Legs waxed - check, toenails painted - check - you get the picture.  Bags all packed ready to go. Alarm set for 3.30am .....  Lets go ETE triathlon training camp !

Chapter 24 - January is shit isn't it ?

Yes January is shit.....

Well it is.  It's dark and cold.  There are pine needles stuck in your carpet.  You're feeling bloated, sluggish and tired. I really believe I was a hedgehog in another life and should be hibernating in January.  Unfortunately 2 things are preventing me from doing this. The size 10 skirt I bought in the sale (only size left) which I don't fit into and the training camp I have booked in February with ETE training camps. Holy Shit!

And so as I type this with the snow falling outside I can barely walk on account of my re-introduction into operation GOYAADSE (Get Off Your Arse And Do Some Exercise). Some say exercise is the hidden magic to life. Have to say I'm not feeling the "magic" today as my thighs burn and I have to make obligatory groaning sounds as I go up and down the stairs. Today feels like those early days of exercise where I always ached as my body reeled from shock.  Has my body really forgotten all those exertions I did before Christmas? How fickle.

My new turbo trainer has helped to lessen my sense of panic at the impending exercise-fest that awaits me in 3 weeks time as I have managed to actually sit on my bike and pedal during the month of January, which is novel. As the wind and rain howls outside I have managed to sweat my arse off - quite literally - pedalling on my human hamster wheel.  I have even invested in a special turbo wheel and tyre for my bike.  The cost of which has meant I may have to re-adjust my expectation of a new bike! Budgets to be reassessed! But hey my Ridley is still good - and Marianne Vos now rides Ridley so if it's good enough for her it's good enough for me.  

Turbo makes you sweat....A LOT ! 

The Dichotomy of Life - detox retox repeat.

I have a dichotomy in my life though as my 2 best Christmas presents this year were my Turbo trainer and my Breville sandwich toaster.  So unfortuantely as fast as I am pedalling the calories off I am consuming them again in Cheese Toasties.  After today's Turbo session I got on the weighing scales ....."You've got to be kidding me - you lying piece of shit. How can that be?" Let me take my watch and bracelet off - "No Way! Really? What is it going to take FFS." I justify to myself that my weight hasn't shifted because I'm building muscle. Yeah Right. Or maybe it was the 6 Garibaldi biscuits and Dairy Milk bar yesterday? Uhmmmm. But baby it's cold outside.

Today I will avoid the biscuit tin. (2 hobnobs later) What is it about cold and dark days that make you want to comfort eat cheese and biscuits? And I'm not drinking. Everyone knows that red wine was invented for drinking on cold winter nights by a log fire.  But I have vowed no alcohol until I have done the training camp. And luckily the training camp is in Cyprus and everyone knows Greek wine is shit! So unlike Mallorca where I'm always tempted by the Rioja, I will be able to abstain.  So it's all good.

Go Flipper Go! 

Yesterday I went swimming, because I know the swimming is the one thing I have neglected recently. It's likely to be the session at training camp where I'm going to end up in tears.  Luckily whilst swimming I have a swimming cap and goggles on so people don't recognise you.  Which yesterday was a good thing.......

January Swimming. Reluctantly I pulled into the swimming pool car park yesterday. The car park was crowded my heart sank.  That means the lanes would be busy.  I'm not good with the whole lane etiquette of lane swimming thing. "You go - No No You Go first" Ahhh you're too slow I'm about to get your foot in my face .Hurry Up!!. None of which is verbally communicated but with subtle nods of a swimming capped head.  And everyone looks aggressive in swimming goggles so you're never sure if you've upset anyone.

I made a quick assessment of  the various lane speeds. Quickly because it's an outdoor pool and it's January and I'm standing outside in my swimsuit FFS Brrrrrr . 3 lanes Fast, Medium and Slow.  Lane 1 = Slow Lane. none of them were getting their hair wet in that lane, with their heads above water, doing combinations of Breast Stroke, Back Stroke and aqua aerobics moves. Not that one.  Lane 2 = Medium, this was pretty busy and Fast was fast and furious. Even my cop-out part of the pool had swimmers doing lane swimming so that wasn't even an option. Medium it was then. Goggles on.

I have 2 pairs of goggles. 1 pair is small but polarised for sunny days.  Good when it's sunny so I don't get blinded.  However these goggles seem to create such a vacuum when applied to my head they seem to suck my eyeballs out, and leave me with mild bruising around my eyes. Yes Yes I know the strap is adjustable.  But there is something about them that when I get out of the pool I look like I have a severe thyroid problem eyes a popping.  Today definitely isn't sunny so I can wear my larger mask type goggles.  

My eyes after wearing goggles

After 10 slow laps my goggles start to fog up, which means I can't actually see. Lucikly by this time the lane isn't so busy.  Unluckily it also means my sense of direction is completely off.  Several times my lazy left arm which is pretending to do something resembling a Free Style stroke, but is actually just slapping the water - catches the pool lane dividers. Shit that really really actually hurts. I now have a very bruised elbow.  But I keep going, today feels hard. And then it happened.  I was getting into a rhythm when my locker key bracelet placed on my lazy left arm got caught in the lane divider mid stroke.  As I tried to raise my arm out of the water, I realised I was being dragged backwards, I was attached!!  Luckily I wasn't out of my depth so I was able to stand up and unattach myself from the lane divider. Bloody Amateur. Maybe I'll just stop at 20 lengths today. #mortified.  I carried on despite my embarrassment and then rapidly processed myself through the changing room and ran to the car.  I need to get my swimming shit together in the next couple of weeks.  Maybe I'll read that swimming book after all.  Not not Blue Lagoon the other one.

Technical Sports Equipment - a review

But that wasn't the only injury I incurred this week. No....Sports Bras are officially the devils work.  Well one of them anyway. These are right up there with deck chairs, rear bike wheels and press ups.. all things sent to test me.  To get a sports bra on and off successfully you need to be a contortionist. If you can dislocate your elbow you're absolutely fine. But OMG getting these bastards on and off and doing up the fastener is tricky.  And those sports tops with the integrated bras in? Once you've worked out which way is inside and which is out, then having to work out as it's past your head which strap you're arm is to go through without dislocating your shoulder. I'm sure that woman from the circus is fine but I don't belong to the Chinese State Circus. Well really. Us girls it's just another thing we have to endure. I'm not sure I even need one, but it makes my boy tops look a bit more feminine!! 

Run Forrest Run!

My running shoes have done me proud. They ran 484km last year even without a running partner!  But I'm hoping that the bit on Strava after each run which says "Trending slower" is going to stop taunting me now I have some spanking new trainers.  Always important to run in the right footwear. That and my new running socks it's all going to help.  Once I get that darned sports bra on of course!

To sum up....

Yes January is in deed shit.  But we're half way through, it can only get better right?  Soon all the pine needles will be hoovered up and the sad Christmas lights removed from the town's lampposts.  And at some point my bike may actually get to feel the feel of tarmac against it's wheels once again. And I'm sure there's plenty of things to look forward to? Lets hope week 2 of GOYAADSE is less heartache!