Chapter 24 - January is shit isn't it ?

Yes January is shit.....

Well it is.  It's dark and cold.  There are pine needles stuck in your carpet.  You're feeling bloated, sluggish and tired. I really believe I was a hedgehog in another life and should be hibernating in January.  Unfortunately 2 things are preventing me from doing this. The size 10 skirt I bought in the sale (only size left) which I don't fit into and the training camp I have booked in February with ETE training camps. Holy Shit!

And so as I type this with the snow falling outside I can barely walk on account of my re-introduction into operation GOYAADSE (Get Off Your Arse And Do Some Exercise). Some say exercise is the hidden magic to life. Have to say I'm not feeling the "magic" today as my thighs burn and I have to make obligatory groaning sounds as I go up and down the stairs. Today feels like those early days of exercise where I always ached as my body reeled from shock.  Has my body really forgotten all those exertions I did before Christmas? How fickle.

My new turbo trainer has helped to lessen my sense of panic at the impending exercise-fest that awaits me in 3 weeks time as I have managed to actually sit on my bike and pedal during the month of January, which is novel. As the wind and rain howls outside I have managed to sweat my arse off - quite literally - pedalling on my human hamster wheel.  I have even invested in a special turbo wheel and tyre for my bike.  The cost of which has meant I may have to re-adjust my expectation of a new bike! Budgets to be reassessed! But hey my Ridley is still good - and Marianne Vos now rides Ridley so if it's good enough for her it's good enough for me.  

Turbo makes you sweat....A LOT ! 

The Dichotomy of Life - detox retox repeat.

I have a dichotomy in my life though as my 2 best Christmas presents this year were my Turbo trainer and my Breville sandwich toaster.  So unfortuantely as fast as I am pedalling the calories off I am consuming them again in Cheese Toasties.  After today's Turbo session I got on the weighing scales ....."You've got to be kidding me - you lying piece of shit. How can that be?" Let me take my watch and bracelet off - "No Way! Really? What is it going to take FFS." I justify to myself that my weight hasn't shifted because I'm building muscle. Yeah Right. Or maybe it was the 6 Garibaldi biscuits and Dairy Milk bar yesterday? Uhmmmm. But baby it's cold outside.

Today I will avoid the biscuit tin. (2 hobnobs later) What is it about cold and dark days that make you want to comfort eat cheese and biscuits? And I'm not drinking. Everyone knows that red wine was invented for drinking on cold winter nights by a log fire.  But I have vowed no alcohol until I have done the training camp. And luckily the training camp is in Cyprus and everyone knows Greek wine is shit! So unlike Mallorca where I'm always tempted by the Rioja, I will be able to abstain.  So it's all good.

Go Flipper Go! 

Yesterday I went swimming, because I know the swimming is the one thing I have neglected recently. It's likely to be the session at training camp where I'm going to end up in tears.  Luckily whilst swimming I have a swimming cap and goggles on so people don't recognise you.  Which yesterday was a good thing.......

January Swimming. Reluctantly I pulled into the swimming pool car park yesterday. The car park was crowded my heart sank.  That means the lanes would be busy.  I'm not good with the whole lane etiquette of lane swimming thing. "You go - No No You Go first" Ahhh you're too slow I'm about to get your foot in my face .Hurry Up!!. None of which is verbally communicated but with subtle nods of a swimming capped head.  And everyone looks aggressive in swimming goggles so you're never sure if you've upset anyone.

I made a quick assessment of  the various lane speeds. Quickly because it's an outdoor pool and it's January and I'm standing outside in my swimsuit FFS Brrrrrr . 3 lanes Fast, Medium and Slow.  Lane 1 = Slow Lane. none of them were getting their hair wet in that lane, with their heads above water, doing combinations of Breast Stroke, Back Stroke and aqua aerobics moves. Not that one.  Lane 2 = Medium, this was pretty busy and Fast was fast and furious. Even my cop-out part of the pool had swimmers doing lane swimming so that wasn't even an option. Medium it was then. Goggles on.

I have 2 pairs of goggles. 1 pair is small but polarised for sunny days.  Good when it's sunny so I don't get blinded.  However these goggles seem to create such a vacuum when applied to my head they seem to suck my eyeballs out, and leave me with mild bruising around my eyes. Yes Yes I know the strap is adjustable.  But there is something about them that when I get out of the pool I look like I have a severe thyroid problem eyes a popping.  Today definitely isn't sunny so I can wear my larger mask type goggles.  

My eyes after wearing goggles

After 10 slow laps my goggles start to fog up, which means I can't actually see. Lucikly by this time the lane isn't so busy.  Unluckily it also means my sense of direction is completely off.  Several times my lazy left arm which is pretending to do something resembling a Free Style stroke, but is actually just slapping the water - catches the pool lane dividers. Shit that really really actually hurts. I now have a very bruised elbow.  But I keep going, today feels hard. And then it happened.  I was getting into a rhythm when my locker key bracelet placed on my lazy left arm got caught in the lane divider mid stroke.  As I tried to raise my arm out of the water, I realised I was being dragged backwards, I was attached!!  Luckily I wasn't out of my depth so I was able to stand up and unattach myself from the lane divider. Bloody Amateur. Maybe I'll just stop at 20 lengths today. #mortified.  I carried on despite my embarrassment and then rapidly processed myself through the changing room and ran to the car.  I need to get my swimming shit together in the next couple of weeks.  Maybe I'll read that swimming book after all.  Not not Blue Lagoon the other one.

Technical Sports Equipment - a review

But that wasn't the only injury I incurred this week. No....Sports Bras are officially the devils work.  Well one of them anyway. These are right up there with deck chairs, rear bike wheels and press ups.. all things sent to test me.  To get a sports bra on and off successfully you need to be a contortionist. If you can dislocate your elbow you're absolutely fine. But OMG getting these bastards on and off and doing up the fastener is tricky.  And those sports tops with the integrated bras in? Once you've worked out which way is inside and which is out, then having to work out as it's past your head which strap you're arm is to go through without dislocating your shoulder. I'm sure that woman from the circus is fine but I don't belong to the Chinese State Circus. Well really. Us girls it's just another thing we have to endure. I'm not sure I even need one, but it makes my boy tops look a bit more feminine!! 

Run Forrest Run!

My running shoes have done me proud. They ran 484km last year even without a running partner!  But I'm hoping that the bit on Strava after each run which says "Trending slower" is going to stop taunting me now I have some spanking new trainers.  Always important to run in the right footwear. That and my new running socks it's all going to help.  Once I get that darned sports bra on of course!

To sum up....

Yes January is in deed shit.  But we're half way through, it can only get better right?  Soon all the pine needles will be hoovered up and the sad Christmas lights removed from the town's lampposts.  And at some point my bike may actually get to feel the feel of tarmac against it's wheels once again. And I'm sure there's plenty of things to look forward to? Lets hope week 2 of GOYAADSE is less heartache!