Chapter 24 - January is shit isn't it ?

Yes January is shit.....

Well it is.  It's dark and cold.  There are pine needles stuck in your carpet.  You're feeling bloated, sluggish and tired. I really believe I was a hedgehog in another life and should be hibernating in January.  Unfortunately 2 things are preventing me from doing this. The size 10 skirt I bought in the sale (only size left) which I don't fit into and the training camp I have booked in February with ETE training camps. Holy Shit!

And so as I type this with the snow falling outside I can barely walk on account of my re-introduction into operation GOYAADSE (Get Off Your Arse And Do Some Exercise). Some say exercise is the hidden magic to life. Have to say I'm not feeling the "magic" today as my thighs burn and I have to make obligatory groaning sounds as I go up and down the stairs. Today feels like those early days of exercise where I always ached as my body reeled from shock.  Has my body really forgotten all those exertions I did before Christmas? How fickle.

My new turbo trainer has helped to lessen my sense of panic at the impending exercise-fest that awaits me in 3 weeks time as I have managed to actually sit on my bike and pedal during the month of January, which is novel. As the wind and rain howls outside I have managed to sweat my arse off - quite literally - pedalling on my human hamster wheel.  I have even invested in a special turbo wheel and tyre for my bike.  The cost of which has meant I may have to re-adjust my expectation of a new bike! Budgets to be reassessed! But hey my Ridley is still good - and Marianne Vos now rides Ridley so if it's good enough for her it's good enough for me.  

Turbo makes you sweat....A LOT ! 

The Dichotomy of Life - detox retox repeat.

I have a dichotomy in my life though as my 2 best Christmas presents this year were my Turbo trainer and my Breville sandwich toaster.  So unfortuantely as fast as I am pedalling the calories off I am consuming them again in Cheese Toasties.  After today's Turbo session I got on the weighing scales ....."You've got to be kidding me - you lying piece of shit. How can that be?" Let me take my watch and bracelet off - "No Way! Really? What is it going to take FFS." I justify to myself that my weight hasn't shifted because I'm building muscle. Yeah Right. Or maybe it was the 6 Garibaldi biscuits and Dairy Milk bar yesterday? Uhmmmm. But baby it's cold outside.

Today I will avoid the biscuit tin. (2 hobnobs later) What is it about cold and dark days that make you want to comfort eat cheese and biscuits? And I'm not drinking. Everyone knows that red wine was invented for drinking on cold winter nights by a log fire.  But I have vowed no alcohol until I have done the training camp. And luckily the training camp is in Cyprus and everyone knows Greek wine is shit! So unlike Mallorca where I'm always tempted by the Rioja, I will be able to abstain.  So it's all good.

Go Flipper Go! 

Yesterday I went swimming, because I know the swimming is the one thing I have neglected recently. It's likely to be the session at training camp where I'm going to end up in tears.  Luckily whilst swimming I have a swimming cap and goggles on so people don't recognise you.  Which yesterday was a good thing.......

January Swimming. Reluctantly I pulled into the swimming pool car park yesterday. The car park was crowded my heart sank.  That means the lanes would be busy.  I'm not good with the whole lane etiquette of lane swimming thing. "You go - No No You Go first" Ahhh you're too slow I'm about to get your foot in my face .Hurry Up!!. None of which is verbally communicated but with subtle nods of a swimming capped head.  And everyone looks aggressive in swimming goggles so you're never sure if you've upset anyone.

I made a quick assessment of  the various lane speeds. Quickly because it's an outdoor pool and it's January and I'm standing outside in my swimsuit FFS Brrrrrr . 3 lanes Fast, Medium and Slow.  Lane 1 = Slow Lane. none of them were getting their hair wet in that lane, with their heads above water, doing combinations of Breast Stroke, Back Stroke and aqua aerobics moves. Not that one.  Lane 2 = Medium, this was pretty busy and Fast was fast and furious. Even my cop-out part of the pool had swimmers doing lane swimming so that wasn't even an option. Medium it was then. Goggles on.

I have 2 pairs of goggles. 1 pair is small but polarised for sunny days.  Good when it's sunny so I don't get blinded.  However these goggles seem to create such a vacuum when applied to my head they seem to suck my eyeballs out, and leave me with mild bruising around my eyes. Yes Yes I know the strap is adjustable.  But there is something about them that when I get out of the pool I look like I have a severe thyroid problem eyes a popping.  Today definitely isn't sunny so I can wear my larger mask type goggles.  

My eyes after wearing goggles

After 10 slow laps my goggles start to fog up, which means I can't actually see. Lucikly by this time the lane isn't so busy.  Unluckily it also means my sense of direction is completely off.  Several times my lazy left arm which is pretending to do something resembling a Free Style stroke, but is actually just slapping the water - catches the pool lane dividers. Shit that really really actually hurts. I now have a very bruised elbow.  But I keep going, today feels hard. And then it happened.  I was getting into a rhythm when my locker key bracelet placed on my lazy left arm got caught in the lane divider mid stroke.  As I tried to raise my arm out of the water, I realised I was being dragged backwards, I was attached!!  Luckily I wasn't out of my depth so I was able to stand up and unattach myself from the lane divider. Bloody Amateur. Maybe I'll just stop at 20 lengths today. #mortified.  I carried on despite my embarrassment and then rapidly processed myself through the changing room and ran to the car.  I need to get my swimming shit together in the next couple of weeks.  Maybe I'll read that swimming book after all.  Not not Blue Lagoon the other one.

Technical Sports Equipment - a review

But that wasn't the only injury I incurred this week. No....Sports Bras are officially the devils work.  Well one of them anyway. These are right up there with deck chairs, rear bike wheels and press ups.. all things sent to test me.  To get a sports bra on and off successfully you need to be a contortionist. If you can dislocate your elbow you're absolutely fine. But OMG getting these bastards on and off and doing up the fastener is tricky.  And those sports tops with the integrated bras in? Once you've worked out which way is inside and which is out, then having to work out as it's past your head which strap you're arm is to go through without dislocating your shoulder. I'm sure that woman from the circus is fine but I don't belong to the Chinese State Circus. Well really. Us girls it's just another thing we have to endure. I'm not sure I even need one, but it makes my boy tops look a bit more feminine!! 

Run Forrest Run!

My running shoes have done me proud. They ran 484km last year even without a running partner!  But I'm hoping that the bit on Strava after each run which says "Trending slower" is going to stop taunting me now I have some spanking new trainers.  Always important to run in the right footwear. That and my new running socks it's all going to help.  Once I get that darned sports bra on of course!

To sum up....

Yes January is in deed shit.  But we're half way through, it can only get better right?  Soon all the pine needles will be hoovered up and the sad Christmas lights removed from the town's lampposts.  And at some point my bike may actually get to feel the feel of tarmac against it's wheels once again. And I'm sure there's plenty of things to look forward to? Lets hope week 2 of GOYAADSE is less heartache!

Chapter 23 - #2017BringItOn and other musings

Tis the winter of our discontent....

December 2016

Richmond Park December 2016

Christmas Day #showingoff

It's foggy outside, and at this time of year I feel like all I really want to do is eat mince pies and hibernate.  I have pushed myself out on my bike in the winter sunshine in an effort to do 100k a week.  (I didn't quite reach the target of the Rapha 500km!)  I was wrapped up, although I have now realised I need more hardcore socks and cycling gloves if I am to be able to feel my fingers at the end of my ride.  But actually there is something rather gratifying about getting hot and sweaty in the winter time. The downfall of the cold, well there are many things.... numb fingers and toes, dripping nose, loss of speed - but oh sooooo slow.  Consumption of calories - ahh yes the calories. Having burnt 747 calories on one winter ride around Richmond Park I then returned home only to consume 2 million calories in an attempt to warm myself up.  But Winter and Autumn running has been gratifying especially along by the river. I even managed a winter ride over to my in-laws on Christmas day which felt good - OK I felt smug. But it did make a day of gluttony seem worthwhile.  The downside of this is that I had to leave my bike at my in-laws house.  My father in-law is not always good with things technical or mechanical and if he didn't squash my bike with his car in the garage then it'd be a miracle. The last time I felt uneasy like this was when my boss Chris offered to transport my bike to Wales.  Something told me to not entrust the care of Bailey (the name of my bike - it's a girl thing) to this man. I thanked him kindly for the offer and transported my bike in the boot of my Beetle.  My instincts were right.  Chris phoned from the motorway service station on the way to Wales to say he'd wiped his bike off the top of his car in the KFC where there was a barrier with height restrictions.  See! womens instinct. My father in-law very kindly brought my bike back to me in his car - I didn't look (because I couldn't) but I don't think he even took the wheel off, and so it seems to be working perfectly.  So thank you Peter if you are reading this.

Running Shoes footwear for running !!

What's next #2017BringItOn...

Knitting not just a hobby a way of life

Project Jumper

I was flagging at the end of 2016 it has to be said Christmas parties take a lot out of you. I wondered what my challenge for next year would be, you need something to keep you motivated. I was seriously thinking of just hibernating and returning to knitting, but having started a jumper over Christmas I remembered how frustrating it can be and only leads to hours spent on the sofa consuming quality street. It's not even a jumper I can cycle in. Maybe it's just my life needs more of a mix of these type of things and the sporty stuff.  The Ying and Yang of life. Maybe some yoga to get me more flexible.






Just as I was pondering all of this I got an exciting offer.........

An old friend, Julian Hucker (they're all old these days!) had set up a Triathlon Training Camp - www.elitetrainingexperience.com  having successfully run camps last year they are now looking for crowd funding. Did I want to join them on a training camp in Cyprus?. Ooooo I've never been to Cyprus before was my first thought.  Hah - these camps are never holidays. But you know I'd lost my way in terms of proper training so actually this is what I needed to kickstart my 2017, and the website says "Whatever your level, whatever your goal" - I was going to need to think of another goal other than "knit a jumper before next Christmas".  Yes - I'm in.  So that means I need to keep up my fitness. Holy Shit Batman.

My friends Steve and JT keep teasing me about doing a 70.3 but maybe I need to at least do an Olympic distance.  Well this ETE camp was certainly going to test my 10k maximum running distance. Eeekkk. #2017BringItOn

Steve and JT and I - too much laughter whilst cycling! #oysters

So February follows Christmas quite quickly I notice so I need to probably do some training. Especially as after Christmas I have no need for a belt as my waist has thickened so much! Luckily santa bought me a turbo trainer.

Revelations on a Turbo Trainer....

So a Turbo Trainer allows you to ride your bike without ever leaving your home.  They are supposed to help with winter training. So on those cold, dark and wet days you can still get in the saddle clocking up the KM without ever leaving the house.  

The other advantages are:- 

1. You can listen to music with headphones on 
2. You don't have to wear a helmet, very liberating. 
3. I can cycle with no-hands. I've always wanted to do this, ever since those heady days in the 70s riding up and down Riverside Walk on my Raleigh. All the boys could do it. And I must confess that when no-one was looking I did ride my turbo with my arms up in the air like they do when they complete a stage of the tour-de-france. Maybe this is a bit like singing into the mirror with a hairbrush ? A bit of fantasy.  Whilst I can confess this here in writing I think if any of my family had walked into the room at the point I was shouting "Yes Yes Yes" waving my arms in the air whilst pedalling furiously, I would have been mortified. 

The other revelation about turbo training - is the amount of sweat produced. Wow - it's a good job our kitchen floor isn't wooden.  But after the amount of red wine I consumed over the festive period it feels good to sweat - better out than in! The other disadvantages are my family keep asking me about their homework whilst I'm furiously pedalling - a tad distracting. 

My son pointed out that "In the summer mummy when it's sunny outside you can open the windows and cycle!" I replied "Max if it's sunny outside I won't be cycling in the kitchen I'll be out there cycling!!"  But he isn't a child of the '70s who understands the concept of just getting  on your bike and cycling around for hours on end with your mates. 

When I did take Max out for a bike ride to Richmond before Christmas it was a very torturous experience.  I never thought anyone could sap the joy of cycling out of me as he did on that day!  The 5k to Richmond felt like 50k.  A sobbing 11 year old boy shouting behind me "I HATE cycling".  I could have run faster to Richmond.  He mentioned that his saddle was uncomfortable, maybe I was being unsympathetic to the different anatomy he has to me. But we made it and I bribed him with lunch, and then we cycled home.  Let's face it he isn't going to be the next Bradley Wiggins. Although he does suffer from colds ?!! But joking aside it really saddens me that my children don't get out and about on their bikes. We were always on our bikes as kids.

Oh child of the '70s - no hands!

What happens next? Life is a marathon not a sprint

So to keep me focused this year I have a couple of other events to aim for.  All things I haven't tried before...not a marathon though, no! no! no! 

1. Trip to Caerphily mountain. 
Whilst I've opted out of Velothon Wales this year, I won't let Caerphilly mountain get the better of me. So Gareth (good welsh name) and Amanda and I will be doing a little jaunt to Wales to tackle the mountain that is Caerphilly mountain. My nemesis.  I have never yet done it without getting off and walking my bike up.  I can now get up Whitedown Lane in Surrey without getting off and walking so it's just Caerphilly and then maybe that  open water swimming thing to embrace rather than dread.  Maybe I should also look at my pension something I also try and not think about. Ostrich behaviour.

2. Mallorca 312 in April
Not the full 312km around the island thing, but the 167km route.  Several friends and I have booked through www.Sunvelo.com. Couple of days cycling in the sunshine beforehand then the sportive on the Saturday. Should be fun.


3. Velothon Berlin

I've never been to Berlin before.  My friends Sandy and Lisa encouraged me to do this, I'm so easily swayed by these 2! "Lets just go for 1 beer" they said in Paris after we'd cycled from Utrecht.  2am and the last people to leave the nightclub, we showed those Dutch girls!  When I went to book Berlin I thought they'd made a mistake as the distance is 182km. No it appears they hadn't  The most I've cycled is 150k in one day at the New Forest Sportive and that was a hard day. So they assured me it's flat. Uhmmmm we'll see won't we?  I also have a niggling doubt that the German man on the end of my email didn't understand that I wanted to be added to their "team" so I am in the same starting pen. I'm not convinced I am. That would be a very lonely ride. I'm hoping it doesn't have to be done in Lederhausen either.

4. London Duathlon - September
I enjoyed this last year and my lovely friend Catherine is going to join me this year.  And I promise not to throw bananas at the other competitors this time.

Other musings....

• Strava - why is it that when I logon onto Strava on my computer the login bar is directly under the womans bust ? I find it slightly unnerving.

• Deliveroo - I'm on a mission to ensure that those Deliveroo delivery boys and girls wear helmets and use their lights on their bikes. I've been assured by Deliveroo via Twitter that they are all issued with helmets and lights, but I've seen at least 4 lads riding around in the dark without lights and helmets.  One lad was cycling around with headphones on too. Very dangerous.  Am I getting like Victor Meldrew? 

• New bike N+1 - I have a real hankering for a new bike.  That's not going to be cheap is it.  My bike currently sounds  like it has a canary trapped inside. There must be something in the January sales with my name written on it.  But I'm a bit of a girl at these things I know none of the technical stuff. Hell it took me a long time to work out the big cog little cog thing !! I can see myself looking at bikes because they are a nice colour.  So we'll see. I believe they can be quite pricey - eh Mat Smith?

My handsome brother ! 

• My brother - my brother thinks he's funny.  He was the one who changed my tyres to pink ones. Although I have to say they grew on me and became a talking point.  This Christmas he bought me some "heart" rear lights for my bike.  See photo.  Whilst I could stomach the pink tyres I have to say these are a step too far to be attached to my bike.  So thank you very much but I hope you don't mind I have re-gifted them to Gareth! He'll have the balls to use them!

Bike Balls - thank you brother ! #gross

So onto the next chapter - Wish me luck & I'll keep you posted about Triathlon Camp !  

Happy New Year everyone let's hope 2017 is a good one. X