Chapter 10 - tag rugby, lighthouses and gearing

A Summary of where I'm at...

• Weeks until Triathlon = 6 (holy shit!)
• Number of Triathlons completed consequentially and sequentially = 0
• Personal Bests = not registered been ignoring stats.  But that run in Paris was awesome smashed all world records apparently!
• Successful Open Water Swims = 0
• Number of times fallen off bike with cleats = 0 (well maybe a leedle bit....)
• Money spent on equipment = a mere £55.29p (my husband reads this!)

Tag rugby not just for lesbians

So having rested on my laurels for a bit. My "popping calf" (never before heard of in medical history) had hindered me somewhat.  I decided that I once again should venture forth into the world of physical exercise.  I usually train on my own, so decided maybe some exercise with a group would be good. It's good to train with someone I've heard.

So off I trotted one Saturday morning to Twickenham Green to have a free trial fitness session.  We started warming up by throwing a rugby ball around, novel warm up session I thought, but lets get onto the squats and burpees. Forget the press ups, mine are unbelievably laughable. Maybe another thing to work on Operation DAPPUYW*

Before I knew it I was being sucked into a game of tag rugby !! WTF and it's not as if Twickenham Green is private, everyone goes past. This is humiliating some of those guys obviously had played rugby before and were really chucking the ball hard. I only did netball and hockey at school so this was all new to me.  Roll on 10 o'clock when all this would be over and hope to God no-one I know has seen me.  

I never really considered myself to be competitive but we ended up doing sprint races.  Not sure what happened but all that teenage angst came flooding back reminding me of those blonde girls at school, Nicola Constantine, Lisa Bennet and Louise Dadge who always overtook me however fast I ran. I ran as fast as I could - I wanted to win.  And so I ran - really fast. I was holding my own.  And then......my calf popped again.  I'm sure this didn't look good in front of the rest of the tag rugby team.  New girl turns up, can't catch a rugby ball for toffee and then "OW OW OW I've injured myself I'm going to stand over by the tree" - what a big girls blouse.  

So I felt I had to casually drop into conversation I'd been to TriCamp and was exhausted.  As I heard myself say the words I cringed. And someone behind me said "There was this one time in TriCamp" the phrase from American Pie. No-one's interested Catherine - go home. 

There was this one time in band camp...

I've not been back, not sure tag rugby is conducive to a successful Triathlon training schedule anyway.  I did see them all on The Green the other Saturday on the way to get all-butter croissants and pork pies from Sainsbury's - head down, walk quickly. Maybe limp a little just to show you're properly injured.

Back to Mallorca. Don't forget your pedals and they drive on the right in Spain and something about gears ?

There were several areas still left uncovered by my last trip to Mallorca.  The run up to the lighthouse and swimming in the sea with my wetsuit. I was determined to rectify this situation. And I wanted another go on that bike - I was addicted.  So on our Easter family holiday I took by Tri-Bag (only available in green) packed with equipment. Pedals - yes Gareth Parry don't forget your pedals. Bike Shoes. Wetsuit. Trainers. Lots of Lycra.

The Open Water Swim

Does my head look big in this wetsuit ?

Ummmmm yes ! So everyone else was on the beach in their swimsuits it was quite hot. Actually, they were also in the sea with their swimsuits, it wasn't that cold. I put my wetsuit on, swimming hat and goggles, I too was now quite hot - not in a good way.  Looking like a professional - professional what I don't know. People are looking - not least our friend Gareth who is expecting great things from me. I scanned the bay - yep no problem I would swim across to the next jetty. In I go.  Blimey having grasped breathing as per Operation BAFCO** the wetsuit was strangulating me and making me bob around like a harpooned seal I felt dizzy.  So just off from the beach I bobbed, and spluttered and honestly thought I was going to faint. I tried a couple of strokes but it just wasn't coming together.  Moving my head from side to side was just making me feel nauseous- is my wetsuit too tight ? Was this sea sickness ? Had I been bitten and infected by a sea flea ? All plausible explanations.

Gareth, my husband Matt, Louise, and 5 children all looked on slightly bemused - but bless them they didn't laugh - which quite frankly they should have done. I would have! Maybe they did later. I felt utterly ridiculous. Someone once asked me if my children were proud of me doing all this. I think at this precise moment my children were mortified about this exhibition their mother was making of herself and would have quite happily buried me in the sand! It could be worse I could be making them visit National Trust properties like my parents did.

LESSONS:-

I really need to just get used to being in the sea in my wetsuit first and forget any attempt at swimming. Can I practice this in the bath ? - or in a paddling pool in the back garden as the triathlon magazines recommend. That was the first and last time I used my wetsuit on this trip.  Operation SWISH*** needs work.

The Bike Ride

I managed a couple of rides in Mallorca with THAT lovely road bike.  This was actually quite fraught.  Having borrowed the SunVelo bike for TriCamp I now felt quite confident on it, except when I had to ride it in front of it's owner. Ouch. This was going to be excrutiating. Several things happened in front of Dave from SunVelo that hadn't happened at TriCamp.

I turned up for my ride. I thought I'd done really well I had all the kit on. Proper cycling top with back pockets, cleated shoes and cycling shoes.  But No! there was another rule I'd forgotten. I was instructed to take off immediately the visor from my helmet.

Donkey, Mule or just an Ass ?

So there was a certain amount of pressure to ride the bike properly, and look like I knew what I was doing on this very expensive small hobbit bike. I felt like I was doing my cycling profeciency test all over again. Several times Dave seemed exasperated with the sound of his very expensive gears being clonked around. He tried to explain the big cog and little cog but I think this is rather like a girls understanding of the offside rule - "Nice Poppies" I pointed out in an effort to change the subject. And so whilst I was busy shifting willy nilly through the whole raft of gears the chain came off.  Marvelous. Me:-  "Alright! Alright! I know -  gears - big cogs - little cogs".  Off we went to the beach to put up a SunVelo poster - apparently I was the ideal poster mule with my backpack on. Not sure Dave would be seen dead with a back pack on so I had my uses.(Not quite weaned myself off the backpack not pro I know Danny Russell).  

And as we arrived at the beach the other thing happened. We stopped - I began to fall sideways still attached to the bike. Damn it not now of all times! Me:- "I don't know how that just happened my legs are a bit wobbly". Look of dis-believement. Yep she's a fuckwit I think is what Dave thought!  I didn't mention that on my way over to meet him I found myself on a roundabout face to face with a car coming the other way. He didn't need to know that bit.

I did also manage a ride up to the Formentor car park early one morning. Top tip don't loiter by the sign too long you'll never get away.  Several times I tried to cycle back down the hill.  And several times German cyclists proffered their iphone and asked "Can you take zee foto of my bike and zee sign? and now vith mine friend - and now just me and now my friend wants a foto of him with zee sign" By this time another 40 cyclists had made it up the hill.  Quick cycle home now if they all want a photo you'll never get home. I did give myself the fear on the way back down. I made the fatal mistake of looking over the edge. Bit more squeezing of the brakes and don't look over the edge.

Me and zee bike that has small cogs and big cogs.

LESSONS:-

1. The Spanish drive on the other side of the road.

2. Always bring your pedals eh Gareth ?

3. Something about big cogs and little cogs

4. Don't wear a visor

5. Don't think you can race Dave up a hill he will beat you.

The Run 

Thelma and Louise at the top

I had promised myself after my epic failure to complete the mini triathlon at TriCamp that I would run up to the Formentor lighthouse.  Louise who was also on holiday with us is a keen runner agreed to come along.  We've been on many holiday's with Louise and she always starts the day with the words "Shall I go for a run today?" and sometimes she has actually gone on a run! Today she definitely did.  Bit of bitching from her at the beginning about it being uphill - no shit Sherlock.  I waited for her at the top (tee hee) but as she told me several times in the car on the way back down and over G&Ts at the Illa D'Or- she could probably beat me over longer distances. And indeed I think she is probably right - today she has completed a half marathon - something I can't ever imagine doing.  But glad I made it to the top - amazing view.

LESSONs:

1. It's uphill to the lighthouse but it's worth it for the view.

2. Louise will be beat me over a longer distance - this will never be tested I can assure you.

NEXT CHAPTER....

In chapter 11 - who knows what's going to happen in the next 6 weeks? A sea swim at May bank holiday in the UK maybe ?

*DAPPUYW - Do A Proper Push Up You Wuss
**BAFCO = Breathing and Front Crawl Only
***SWISH = Swim With In Suit Happily (I know this acronym doesn't make sense but I wanted Swish so I'm having it!)

All content strictly copyright Catherine Jevans 2014.

Chapter 9 - confessions, biscuits and tea

A CONFESSION

So I have a confession.  I'd had a very busy week at TriCamp in fact I don't think I'd ever done that amount of exercise in my entire life. Quite frankly I was exhausted after all the physical exertions of the week. So when I got home I gave myself a bit of a rest - actually a 2 week rest.  Also I think I'd caught a cold from somewhere, which is no good for a Triathlon blog no-one wants to hear about how many pork pies, cups of tea and custard creams I've eaten on my return. So did I do a Triathlon ? 

TRICAMP TRIATHLON

Formentor waiting for the runners

The final day of TriCamp Mallorca was the mini Triathlon. At last I was going to do the 3 activities yes you've guessed it "consecutively and sequentially". Yippee.  And the big question for any girl, what to wear ? - you are going to swim, cycle then run.  I didn't have a Tri-Suit because that seemed way too professional whilst I was browsing in Sigma Sport and quite frankly very expensive. So Tri-shorts over swimming costume it was. Shoes already clipped to your bike. Goggles in the pool not on the bike. Ooooo how exciting.

We did some swimming drills to start. More hyperventilating. So in my defence I was already knackered before we'd even started and perhaps Rioja the night before was not an ideal nutritional starting point.

We were to do 12 lengths of the pool, run out the fire exit onto the bike to cycle through Puerto Pollenca up to the Formentor car park and then run up to the lighthouse. Bring it on......

Great - I swam 4 lengths and then thought phycologically I need to get up to the car park first. I just didn't want to be the last person coughing and spluttering in the pool. Lets get this over and done with was my philosophy. So after 4 lengths I got out of the pool (there does seem to be a theme with my swimming - getting out quickly) - I really hate the swimming - I ran out the fire exit and got onto the bike dripping wet and cycled for all I was worth.  

The road up to the car park is steep, Bradley Wiggins goes up there I've seen him once. Anyway....no-one had caught me up yet.  Why would they? They were all doing 12 lengths! And then I spied Andrew over my left shoulder trying to catch me up.  Well I hadn't quite forgiven Andrew for abandoning me going down Sa Calobra, and so something within me made me step up the pace. I was not letting him get to the car park first.  So I found some energy from somewhere to power up to the car park.  His heart monitor on his bike was probably going ballistic at this point, that would serve him right!. When he reached the car park he seemed bemused - "What just happened there?" Me innocently:- "What?" Andrew:-"You were within my sights and then suddenly you were gone and I couldn't catch you" Me:- "Well I wasn't going to let you beat me and I knew you'd be talking to yourself about your heart rate saying bring it back bring it back !".  Don't mess with me downhill boy with all your gadgets.

Bikes ditched ready for the run

So I leapt off my bike in true Anneka Rice style (not showing my age at all!), put on my trainers and ran across the road avoiding the tourists with their camera's and cornetto's. I didn't get very far my calf popped within metres. Do I run on and injure myself or stop while I can still walk ? I stopped. I didn't run up to the lighthouse I wasn't in the right frame of mind. And I was cross with myself, for not actually completing the 3 things I set out to do.  I would need to return to Mallorca and do that run up to the lighthouse another day. 

Look of madness after a week of exertions

I had a coffee and took some photo's with Claire who'd hurt her back as all the others ditched their bikes and ran up to the lighthouse. They were all superstars. I was still a Triathlon Virgin. So I will let you know when I lose my virginity!

Another type of chicken

HOME

On the second week home I tried a run, I got 2k down the road and my calf was in agony again, so that was running out the window for a while. The weather was wet and rainy so cycling was a limited option too.  There's nothing for it my only option was swimming.  Back to Tri Club

TRICLUB -  a night of dogging and tranvestites - yes really!

Monday night 9pm to 10pm is swimming drills night. This time it's an indoor pool which means there really is no excuse not to go. I can't find the car park so park in a back street alongside the recreational park.  Now I understand that I have an irrational fear about the dark underbelly of municipal pools as discussed in previous chapters. But as I pull up I realise that this probably isn't the nicest place to park. But the man in the car opposite seems quite friendly as he keeps flashing his lights at me. I've since been told that this is the international sign for dogging.  Who knew ? Anyway I haven't got time for that I've got swimming to do. Let's hope he's gone by the time I return to the car at 10pm.

Eddie wears waterproof mascara

So I safely reach the pool where my fellow club mates are in the pool.  I look around at these like minded people, bit difficult to assess them when they're all wearing goggles and swimming hats. One chap arrives with eye make-up on. I take another look - yep definitely got eye make-up on. Don't stare Catherine and don't be so narrow minded, Eddie Izzard does marathons so why shouldn't transvestites do Ironmen ? Takes all sorts.  See you can't assume stereotypes about Triathletes they are a mixed bunch - knitters and all!




Drills went fine - breathing came together and I actually felt like I had made some progress. I am in the slowest lane - but the only way is up I guess - yeah baby!

So all good..........not really.  The communal shower (with swimsuits on) was a bit disconcerting, not used to showering with strangers. But I guess I'm going to be changing in fields from now on with other athletes so probably all part of the triathletes world.

Rather disappointingly the transvestite admitted that he had the eye make-up on for charity and that he'd completely forgotten he had it on - I turned to him and said " Phew - I did wonder, but when I saw you hadn't shaved your legs I thought I must be seeing things". Bit gutted that he wasn't a transvestite really as I was looking forward to seeing his other Tri-sports outfits.

Shower done, I got changed. Ooops seem to have forgotten dry underwear in my anxiousness about swimming drills.  Going back to the dogging area with no pants on was going to give entirely the wrong impression - let's hope the chap in the car had moved on.

NEXT CHAPTER....

In chapter 10 I appear to have joined a tag rugby team, concentrating on operation BAFCO and another trip to Mallorca to swim in the sea, ride the lovely bike and run to the lighthouse.  Busy eh ? Not just cups of tea after all, and sometimes there's even cake if I'm lucky.

All content strictly copyright Catherine Jevans 2014.

Chapter 8 - Everything goes swimmingly.....Nuns, Doggy Style and Fleas

Operation B.A.F.C.O*

My big mission when I signed up for TriCamp in Mallorca was to sort my swimming out. Bloody “Bubble Bubble Breath” hadn’t really inspired me with confidence that night at Hampton Open Air Pool.  And No - I haven’t been back for drowning drills - sorry swimming drills with that club again.

Had you asked me 6 months ago what my strongest of the 3 activities required to be done “sequentially and consecutively” for a triathlon I would definitely have said swimming.  But I had soon come to realise that whilst I was fast at front crawl I couldn’t maintain this pace over any distance and the coward in me had always reverted to breast stroke.

And so to TriCamp Mallorca to sort my breathing out and get some openwater swimming practice and a swim technique analysis.

OPEN WATER SWIMMING THE PERILS

Can I borrow your goggles ?

Open water swimming isn’t to be taken lightly. Unfortunately I had read an article before I went to Mallorca which was far from comforting. This added to the inspiring words from an old college friend Danny “The open water swim? I would rather stick pins in my eyes than do that again.” Great! 

So here is a list of some of the perils and top tips for dealing with open water swimming. Please promise me when you next see me that you won’t feel inclined to check out my ears or my fat knees after reading this list:-

1. Steamy Goggles:- apply some new anti-fog spray before the event.....Oh yes of course I always carry anti-fog spray around with me! Ridiculous!

2. Fat-Pad irritation:- The ‘fat pad’ is a small, soft-tissue structure on the front of your knee, which has a tendency to be pinched between your kneecap (patella) and the front of your thigh bone (femur). Although it’s only small, it’s highly sensitive, and the pain can be excruciating....Something new for us girls to worry about do my knees look fat in this wetsuit?

3. Swimmer’s ear (aka ‘otitis externa’) is a chronic infection of the external ear canal – the passage leading from the eardrum to the outside world. It usually presents itself as either a pain in your ear (worse when you touch your ear), but often it will cause itching or even a discharge from inside your ear. When your ear canals become regularly water logged, fungi and bacteria can set up home. This can worsen if you damage the soft lining of your ear canal by attempting to dry (or scratch) it with a towel.......Ewwww Yuk Yuk Yukkity Yuk.

4. Exotosis:- Swimmers who regularly train in cold water can also develop a further problem of a bony overgrowth of the ear canal, known as exotosis. This is a permanent problem that can lead to reduced hearing. The simplest way to prevent both these problems is to wear earplugs......Mmmm attractive, presumably you only wear the ear plugs whilst swimming, not during everyday life. What? Pardon?

5. Skin Cancer:- If you’re lucky enough to train outdoors in warm weather, then you may be at risk of sunburn or even the skin cancer malignant melanoma........Blimey!  the person who wrote this list was definitely a glass half empty type person! 

6. Verruccas:- Yuk. We all know those at school who wore the white rubber socks! Maybe that was just Devon, no I'm sure it was a UK wide thing. Moving on....

7. Weils Disease:- Weil’s disease can kill, so if you’ve been open-water swimming and experience fever, muscle pains, headache, vomiting or show signs of jaundice (yellow skin and eyes), you must seek urgent medical advice.......I think I may have had some of these symptoms after the open water swim in Mallorca and definitely after the TriClub swimming drills.

8. Sea Fleas - Yes apparently there is such a thing as sea fleas, according to Australian Jacqui: who asked a very surprised Nick at TriCamp Mallorca.  Nick:- "Any questions?" Jacqui:- “Are there sea fleas?”.  Nick :- “Sea Fleas ? I’ve never heard of Sea Fleas!”. I assured the group I’d never been bitten by a Sea Flea whilst swimming in Mallorca. I said it’s the sharks you need to worry about. Ha Ha...... gosh and there I was just worrying about points 1 to 7, shit sea fleas as well!!

9. Killing a Nun

Get out of the way JT's coming!

So you can see Open Water Swimming is not to be entered into lightly. What Point 9 ? Oh Yes Killing a Nun is apparently a not often talked about peril of open water swimming according to JT at TriCamp. This is a true story.  JT had been doing a Vineman 70.3 in the US (I put that like I know what the hell that is - some triathlon event, anyway ....)  along with a very famous 80 year old nun called Madonna Buder (google her you’ll see) known as the “Iron Nun”. When it came to the open water swim everyone leaped in and amongst the melee or human washing machine that ensued JT swam over the “Iron Nun” and thought he’d killed her.  Much to JT’s distress - not only had he just swam over another human, but of all people it had to be the much loved famous “Iron Nun” - needless to say I don’t think JT swam his personal best that day. So make sure you have your anti-fog spray next time for your googles.

And the day had started so well...

All bike rides lead to the garage 

The day had started so well, I'd done my second big bike ride 90k to Alaro on the lovely road bike. I'd used all the gears and the brakes didn't allude me once. I'd managed to cajole a nutrition bar out of my pocket, pre un-wrapped (see I was learning). I had imparted some childbirth wisdom I felt I needed to share with Faye. Faye please do with that information what you will, I apologise for over-sharing to someone who hasn't given birth. She cycled off quite quickly - oh I seem to be cycling on my own again. Jazz hands pot hole. Jazz hands dead cat.

We cycled up to the garage - all bike rides led to the garage. We commented on how many cyclists stop at the petrol garage at Escorca. They don't really sell much petrol as far as we could see. Just a forecourt full of sweaty cyclists bulging out of their lycra taking selfies beside cycling company signage. All using the 1 toilet. The slower cycling group, sorry what did Nick call us - oh yes the Medium Ability Group - had been caught up very quickly at the first coffee stop by the fast group - God they were good.  We pretended the service was really slow at the cafe hence why they'd caught up.  We had the last laugh though - we whooped their arse on the way home.  Well maybe that's because we had a decoy in their group who had 2 punctures. It even sleeted on the way home.  So a busy morning then open water swimming......

AN AFTERNOON AT THE SEASIDE

I was lulled into a false sense of security at the beach. This was more like it, Sand, Sea and ......well we did some running drills. I was keeping up quite nicely, perhaps I was becoming an athlete after all. So I had done 2 of my 3 required activities today cycling, running and now for open water swimming.

Action shot to the theme tune of Bionic Man

A DIP IN THE MALLORCAN SEA

Once the sea flea question had been clarified by Nick, I was quite excited about getting into the water with my new wetsuit.  I won’t go into all the disconcerting talk about lube on the beach as we all got into our wetsuits.  Did I want to borrow any ? Errr No thanks I’ll pass. Awkward. I wish they'd keep their voices down people were staring.

And she's in....the wetsuit.

All we had to do was swim around 3 buoys.  I caught my breath as I entered the water, it was cold. And then everyone was splashing around beside me, and I couldn’t move my arms in a breast stroke manner or any other manner resembling a swimming stroke in the wetsuit (it might be ever so slightly too tight!) And then for some bizarre reason I just couldn’t pluck up the courage to put my face in the water. I like swimming in the sea but never had swimming in the sea been so bloody awful. I spluttered and gasped all around those 3 bobbing buoys, I splashed my way around and it was really hard work.  I got to the last bouy and thought sod this. I gave up and got out. 

Nick always one to give me positive feedback as I staggered onto the beach (he'd given me some real gems whilst I was at TriCamp!) looked for some way of appraising my swimming performance ….he couldn't.  "Errrr... Wow! well done Catherine you can get out of a wet suit really quickly!” Yep that sums it up nicely Nick. Get me out of this sodding wetsuit ASAP and let me sit on the beach in my clothes in the sun. That was horrid and there weren't even any sea fleas.

SWIMMING ANALYSIS

Once the Over 70s Mallorcan Synchronized Swimming Team had got out of the local Puerto Pollenca Pool, TriCamp had it all to themselves for swim drills - oooo really lovely warm water!. We were separated into lanes based on capability. Several laps of warm ups.  Off I swam really fast. The others  commented on how fast I was.  Then they commented on how quickly I ran out of steam!  I was expending a lot of effort and holding my breath which equals a near-hyperventilation situation.  God I really needed to sort some sort of breathing technique out.

We took turns to put on our best swimming display as Nick videoed us with an underwater camera. In my mind - I was gliding effortlessly through the pool like a porpoise. Totally coordinated and smooth. I am obviously deluded…..about many things in my life! When I watched the video back it was surprisingly nothing like that at all! What I saw was a middle aged woman thrashing around, swaying from side to side and then gasping for air manically every now and then. A disappointed “Oh” was my response on seeing the video played back I reminded myself of that baby on the front cover of the Nirvana Album (just to clarify with my kit on and without the willy!).

That baby can't swim for love nor money either

DOGGY PADDLE

So we went back to the pool and practiced lots of drills to improve our catch (that's a technical term I haven't actually grasped what it means yet) and breathing. And I was concentrating really hard to perfect my freestyle action. One particular drill focused in on bending from the elbow not the wrist.  Of the four in my lane (you chickens, Sue, Andrew, JT and Stephanie) I went off first.  Up the pool I went - lovely smooth movement - concentrating so hard I couldn’t hear Nick shouting at me from the side of the pool.  When my head rose above the water the 5 of them were all laughing at me.  I had been concentrating so hard on not bending my wrist that I wasn’t actually moving my arm out of the water - I had just successfully completed a lap of perfect doggy paddle. Oh - just a tad embarrassing. Which is why my prize for winning the slipper competition was a strap on....to stop my wrist from bending whilst swimming.

NEXT CHAPTER....
So at the end of Chapter 8 I still haven't done my 3 activities sequentially or consecutively, will this be in Chapter 9?. And whilst I am now completing all lengths in my local pool via the freestyle method my breathing is still not right. I have to face my fears and return to Triathlon Club...Oh No...Deep Breath...

*Operation Breathing And Front Crawl Only

All content strictly copyright Catherine Jevans 2014.

Chapter 7 - Don't go up there Catherine!

THAT bike ride....

This is the face of a tired woman who is NOT happy !

Everyone at TriCamp was very helpful.  They all had top tips for the woman who looked like a rabbit trapped in the headlights at times. Some of the advice was a little near the knuckle but then I’ve been told it’s good to share.

And so the words “Don’t go on THAT bike ride when they go to Sa Calobra” were still echoing in my ears.  And to be fair if I’d googled Sa Calobra before I’d gone on THAT bike ride I probably wouldn’t have gone.  Here is how they describe the 90k bike ride we did that day:-

"Perhaps the most feared climb on the island and a must do for many cyclists. Sa Calobra is 10km of tarmac draped on the side of a mountain. Its 26 hairpin turns climb 668 meters at an average 7.1% gradient. One of the hairpins is so extreme it does a 360 turn and heads back over itself. The road accesses the fishing village of the same name and is at the foot of the climb."

How bad could it be ?..... 

My co-pilot Andrew

Biggles with a similar swimming hat to Andrew's

First I need to introduce Andrew - he will be one of my co-riders for this epic event. Andrew is approximately my age.  We had established this on several occasions as he made musical references from the '80s and I was the only girl to understand what or who he was referring to. He kept pointing this out to me “You’re showing your age Catherine” whoops.  He was at TriCamp with his friend who he’d known since he was 11 - ahhh sweet. They used to retire early to bed we suspect for blood transfusions!

Over the week Andrew was to impart many pearls of wisdom to me. Which usually made me giggle, he seemed to have all the latest techniques and gadgets to help him through training. Who can forget the wetsuit hat he had for the open water swim - very fetching!

One morning we commented on the lines on his legs. Oh he casually replied I slept in my compression tights.

Me:- “You what? slept in some tights?”..... Andrew proceeded to give me the technical explanation for this apparent normal male behaviour. Odd.

He had a heart monitor on his bike which he referred to often. When I first rode with him I told him his phone was going off - but it was his digital thingy-me-jig counting off the KM’s.  I think Dave had given me one of these too, there was certainly some kind of digital gadget attached to my handlebars where the bell should be. But I think explaining this to me had been a step too far for Dave, seeing as he had needed to explain the gears and brakes in such great depth. So I was still blissful in my ignorance as to how to use this device.

Chaffing Talk

As is often the way at social gatherings the girls huddle in one corner to chat and the boys gravitate to the other.  And so at TriCamp a girls table formed at mealtimes. One night very bravely Andrew decided to mix it up a bit and come and sit with us girls. I think he quickly wished he hadn’t bothered. Quite rapidly the conversation turned to lube and various chaffing issues that girl triathletes suffer from - mainly in wetsuits apparently.

Rita who has a very lovely ample chest - proceeded to talk about her triathlon experiences with nipple rash and KY Jelly - and Andrew's eyes nearly popped out of his head and he really didn’t know where to look! Having heard that boys also suffer from chaffing issues whilst cycling and not wanting him to feel excluded from the conversation I asked him if he had anything to impart? He glared at me. No? Sure ? Perhaps not then!  but he did tell us this story….. Prior to one triathlon event he went to his local Tesco Express to buy an energy drink and some KY Jelly for his wetsuit. (Apparently the lube prevents chaffing around the neck of the wetsuit.) The cashier scanned the 2 items and then looked up from the conveyor belt and simply said to him “Looks like a busy night ahead then sir?”. Brilliant. 

Sa Calobra

In the words of John Lennon "The long and winding road"

So we all set off on our 90k bike ride with the option to stop at 50km .....allegedly. The minibus and TriCamp Steve would be coming too this time. There was a get out. I clung to this thought.

As we got going Andrew and I found ourselves ascending the hill together.  It was great, we encouraged each other through the pain and the disappointment when you realise there are NO other gears left to turn to and this is it for the duration. We experienced the joy when the hill flattens out a tiny bit and you get to choose another gear. Woo Hoo.  And then the disappointment again when you turn the corner and the road is still going up.  He talked me through his heart rate, and he advised me when he was holding back. I told him “Don’t get technical with me I don’t give a shit just keep moving your arse up that hill.”

So I definitely couldn’t have got up there without him - we were a good team.  And then there is the downhill bit to the beach.  Andrew likes downhill bits and I didn’t see him for dust, he left me. Whoosh. Gone.

  

The Descent - Champion the Wonder Horse

My trusty steed Bailey

 To start with the descent was fun and exhilarating. Weeeeeee. But a bit like the top advice “Don’t look down” when descending Sa Calobra don’t be tempted to watch the cyclists who are struggling back UP from the beach, pain etched on their faces. As I got nearer and nearer the beach going down the hair pin bends my hands got colder clutching the brakes. I hunched over the drop bars singing Mama Mia and Champion the Wonder Horse to myself, it wasn’t fun anymore, I’d had enough. My back ached, my neck ached, my arse hurt, my hands, feet and legs were cold and I was tired.

And then as luck would have it I spotted Steve in the minibus going the other way, like a knight in shining armour …..”STOP” I shouted “STOP”. I carried on my descent confident Steve would meet me at the bottom........he didn't.

I’d lost my sense of humour I got to the bottom shouted at Andrew “You left me! I’m done, I’m not going back up there. Steve can come and collect me”.  I threw my hat and shoes off and tucked into some energy bars and sat on a bench in the sunshine. I was done. The others rode back up without me. I was alone.

I'm done with this cycling malarky ! 

And then….

TriCamp Nick and Mike arrived at the beach with some of the other girls. I wasn’t the last one after all. 

Nick came over to me:- “What are you doing Catherine?”

Me like a petulant child:- “I’m done I’m waiting for Steve to come and get me in the minibus”

Nick:- “Have you had something to eat? I think you can do it”

Me:- “No I’m done - enough is enough”

Nick:- “there are girls half your age here and I know that you are strong and you can definitely do it”

Me:- “mmmmm” not convinced.

Nick:- “I’ll come up with you, we can go as slow as you like and we can stop - you can do it”.

Now this was Nick at his most persuasive and positive. But as I pointed out to him if those girls were half my age - that would make me about 60! Thanks for that.

Right - I’d show those doubters - let’s do it, lets go. And off we set, slowly but surely. But I bloody well did it with all Nicks encouragement and distracting questioning and patience. And I wasn't the last one back. Nick even carried my much mocked back pack for me at one stage! Absolutely brilliant one of the best moments of my life....not Nick carrying my backpack bit..... the reaching the top bit.  Thanks Nick and Andrew. I was so chuffed with myself, I can't remember the last time I have achieved something so monumental. 

A very happy woman !

On reaching the top we saw Steve and the minibus.

Me:- “What happened to you?, I shouted at you”

Steve:- “I did turn around but you were still going down you didn’t stop”.  He had been confused and then when he’d seen Noel (another TriCamp guest, the 62 year old runner who had run up Sa Calobra!) at the car park Noel had very helpfully said “Oh Catherine, she won’t have meant it she’s always joking around!”  So that serves me bloody well right then. But I did do it and I’m so bloody pleased I persevered. Ace.

And that's what I need to do with the Bastard Swimming......

NEXT CHAPTER:- My swimming technique, I get to use the wetsuit and sea fleas.

All content strictly copyright Catherine Jevans 2014.