Chapter 8 - Everything goes swimmingly.....Nuns, Doggy Style and Fleas

Operation B.A.F.C.O*

My big mission when I signed up for TriCamp in Mallorca was to sort my swimming out. Bloody “Bubble Bubble Breath” hadn’t really inspired me with confidence that night at Hampton Open Air Pool.  And No - I haven’t been back for drowning drills - sorry swimming drills with that club again.

Had you asked me 6 months ago what my strongest of the 3 activities required to be done “sequentially and consecutively” for a triathlon I would definitely have said swimming.  But I had soon come to realise that whilst I was fast at front crawl I couldn’t maintain this pace over any distance and the coward in me had always reverted to breast stroke.

And so to TriCamp Mallorca to sort my breathing out and get some openwater swimming practice and a swim technique analysis.

OPEN WATER SWIMMING THE PERILS

Can I borrow your goggles ?

Open water swimming isn’t to be taken lightly. Unfortunately I had read an article before I went to Mallorca which was far from comforting. This added to the inspiring words from an old college friend Danny “The open water swim? I would rather stick pins in my eyes than do that again.” Great! 

So here is a list of some of the perils and top tips for dealing with open water swimming. Please promise me when you next see me that you won’t feel inclined to check out my ears or my fat knees after reading this list:-

1. Steamy Goggles:- apply some new anti-fog spray before the event.....Oh yes of course I always carry anti-fog spray around with me! Ridiculous!

2. Fat-Pad irritation:- The ‘fat pad’ is a small, soft-tissue structure on the front of your knee, which has a tendency to be pinched between your kneecap (patella) and the front of your thigh bone (femur). Although it’s only small, it’s highly sensitive, and the pain can be excruciating....Something new for us girls to worry about do my knees look fat in this wetsuit?

3. Swimmer’s ear (aka ‘otitis externa’) is a chronic infection of the external ear canal – the passage leading from the eardrum to the outside world. It usually presents itself as either a pain in your ear (worse when you touch your ear), but often it will cause itching or even a discharge from inside your ear. When your ear canals become regularly water logged, fungi and bacteria can set up home. This can worsen if you damage the soft lining of your ear canal by attempting to dry (or scratch) it with a towel.......Ewwww Yuk Yuk Yukkity Yuk.

4. Exotosis:- Swimmers who regularly train in cold water can also develop a further problem of a bony overgrowth of the ear canal, known as exotosis. This is a permanent problem that can lead to reduced hearing. The simplest way to prevent both these problems is to wear earplugs......Mmmm attractive, presumably you only wear the ear plugs whilst swimming, not during everyday life. What? Pardon?

5. Skin Cancer:- If you’re lucky enough to train outdoors in warm weather, then you may be at risk of sunburn or even the skin cancer malignant melanoma........Blimey!  the person who wrote this list was definitely a glass half empty type person! 

6. Verruccas:- Yuk. We all know those at school who wore the white rubber socks! Maybe that was just Devon, no I'm sure it was a UK wide thing. Moving on....

7. Weils Disease:- Weil’s disease can kill, so if you’ve been open-water swimming and experience fever, muscle pains, headache, vomiting or show signs of jaundice (yellow skin and eyes), you must seek urgent medical advice.......I think I may have had some of these symptoms after the open water swim in Mallorca and definitely after the TriClub swimming drills.

8. Sea Fleas - Yes apparently there is such a thing as sea fleas, according to Australian Jacqui: who asked a very surprised Nick at TriCamp Mallorca.  Nick:- "Any questions?" Jacqui:- “Are there sea fleas?”.  Nick :- “Sea Fleas ? I’ve never heard of Sea Fleas!”. I assured the group I’d never been bitten by a Sea Flea whilst swimming in Mallorca. I said it’s the sharks you need to worry about. Ha Ha...... gosh and there I was just worrying about points 1 to 7, shit sea fleas as well!!

9. Killing a Nun

Get out of the way JT's coming!

So you can see Open Water Swimming is not to be entered into lightly. What Point 9 ? Oh Yes Killing a Nun is apparently a not often talked about peril of open water swimming according to JT at TriCamp. This is a true story.  JT had been doing a Vineman 70.3 in the US (I put that like I know what the hell that is - some triathlon event, anyway ....)  along with a very famous 80 year old nun called Madonna Buder (google her you’ll see) known as the “Iron Nun”. When it came to the open water swim everyone leaped in and amongst the melee or human washing machine that ensued JT swam over the “Iron Nun” and thought he’d killed her.  Much to JT’s distress - not only had he just swam over another human, but of all people it had to be the much loved famous “Iron Nun” - needless to say I don’t think JT swam his personal best that day. So make sure you have your anti-fog spray next time for your googles.

And the day had started so well...

All bike rides lead to the garage 

The day had started so well, I'd done my second big bike ride 90k to Alaro on the lovely road bike. I'd used all the gears and the brakes didn't allude me once. I'd managed to cajole a nutrition bar out of my pocket, pre un-wrapped (see I was learning). I had imparted some childbirth wisdom I felt I needed to share with Faye. Faye please do with that information what you will, I apologise for over-sharing to someone who hasn't given birth. She cycled off quite quickly - oh I seem to be cycling on my own again. Jazz hands pot hole. Jazz hands dead cat.

We cycled up to the garage - all bike rides led to the garage. We commented on how many cyclists stop at the petrol garage at Escorca. They don't really sell much petrol as far as we could see. Just a forecourt full of sweaty cyclists bulging out of their lycra taking selfies beside cycling company signage. All using the 1 toilet. The slower cycling group, sorry what did Nick call us - oh yes the Medium Ability Group - had been caught up very quickly at the first coffee stop by the fast group - God they were good.  We pretended the service was really slow at the cafe hence why they'd caught up.  We had the last laugh though - we whooped their arse on the way home.  Well maybe that's because we had a decoy in their group who had 2 punctures. It even sleeted on the way home.  So a busy morning then open water swimming......

AN AFTERNOON AT THE SEASIDE

I was lulled into a false sense of security at the beach. This was more like it, Sand, Sea and ......well we did some running drills. I was keeping up quite nicely, perhaps I was becoming an athlete after all. So I had done 2 of my 3 required activities today cycling, running and now for open water swimming.

Action shot to the theme tune of Bionic Man

A DIP IN THE MALLORCAN SEA

Once the sea flea question had been clarified by Nick, I was quite excited about getting into the water with my new wetsuit.  I won’t go into all the disconcerting talk about lube on the beach as we all got into our wetsuits.  Did I want to borrow any ? Errr No thanks I’ll pass. Awkward. I wish they'd keep their voices down people were staring.

And she's in....the wetsuit.

All we had to do was swim around 3 buoys.  I caught my breath as I entered the water, it was cold. And then everyone was splashing around beside me, and I couldn’t move my arms in a breast stroke manner or any other manner resembling a swimming stroke in the wetsuit (it might be ever so slightly too tight!) And then for some bizarre reason I just couldn’t pluck up the courage to put my face in the water. I like swimming in the sea but never had swimming in the sea been so bloody awful. I spluttered and gasped all around those 3 bobbing buoys, I splashed my way around and it was really hard work.  I got to the last bouy and thought sod this. I gave up and got out. 

Nick always one to give me positive feedback as I staggered onto the beach (he'd given me some real gems whilst I was at TriCamp!) looked for some way of appraising my swimming performance ….he couldn't.  "Errrr... Wow! well done Catherine you can get out of a wet suit really quickly!” Yep that sums it up nicely Nick. Get me out of this sodding wetsuit ASAP and let me sit on the beach in my clothes in the sun. That was horrid and there weren't even any sea fleas.

SWIMMING ANALYSIS

Once the Over 70s Mallorcan Synchronized Swimming Team had got out of the local Puerto Pollenca Pool, TriCamp had it all to themselves for swim drills - oooo really lovely warm water!. We were separated into lanes based on capability. Several laps of warm ups.  Off I swam really fast. The others  commented on how fast I was.  Then they commented on how quickly I ran out of steam!  I was expending a lot of effort and holding my breath which equals a near-hyperventilation situation.  God I really needed to sort some sort of breathing technique out.

We took turns to put on our best swimming display as Nick videoed us with an underwater camera. In my mind - I was gliding effortlessly through the pool like a porpoise. Totally coordinated and smooth. I am obviously deluded…..about many things in my life! When I watched the video back it was surprisingly nothing like that at all! What I saw was a middle aged woman thrashing around, swaying from side to side and then gasping for air manically every now and then. A disappointed “Oh” was my response on seeing the video played back I reminded myself of that baby on the front cover of the Nirvana Album (just to clarify with my kit on and without the willy!).

That baby can't swim for love nor money either

DOGGY PADDLE

So we went back to the pool and practiced lots of drills to improve our catch (that's a technical term I haven't actually grasped what it means yet) and breathing. And I was concentrating really hard to perfect my freestyle action. One particular drill focused in on bending from the elbow not the wrist.  Of the four in my lane (you chickens, Sue, Andrew, JT and Stephanie) I went off first.  Up the pool I went - lovely smooth movement - concentrating so hard I couldn’t hear Nick shouting at me from the side of the pool.  When my head rose above the water the 5 of them were all laughing at me.  I had been concentrating so hard on not bending my wrist that I wasn’t actually moving my arm out of the water - I had just successfully completed a lap of perfect doggy paddle. Oh - just a tad embarrassing. Which is why my prize for winning the slipper competition was a strap on....to stop my wrist from bending whilst swimming.

NEXT CHAPTER....
So at the end of Chapter 8 I still haven't done my 3 activities sequentially or consecutively, will this be in Chapter 9?. And whilst I am now completing all lengths in my local pool via the freestyle method my breathing is still not right. I have to face my fears and return to Triathlon Club...Oh No...Deep Breath...

*Operation Breathing And Front Crawl Only

All content strictly copyright Catherine Jevans 2014.