Chapter 14 - The Next Chapter, cake and the CIA.

A NEW CHAPTER

Chocolate & Banana cake for the CIA

I was going to start a new blog as I am no longer a Tri-virgin, but superstition wouldn't let me end on Chapter 13 as it seemed unlucky.  I'm not really one for horoscopes ....oh wait a minute yes I am. So one more chapter under this title I reckon and then I'll start afresh.

Blenheim Triathlon was 6 weeks ago now - and my next triathlon is in 6 weeks time. A lot has happened in those 6 weeks - but that is a whole different blog! Sometimes life hits you hard and saps your energy, and having had my chakra's realigned recently I realised I needed to listen to my body and give myself a break. You can tell my mum is now reading this blog! - actually it will be a miracle if she has managed to open up the link.  She is paranoid about technology and is convinced that the CIA or Scotland Yard are bugging her calls. I've told her they're probably not really interested in any conversations we may have had about Chocolate and Banana cake recipes. We're not really a threat to national security so I doubt Chocolate and Banana cake is even showing on their terrorist radar. But they are always welcome to come around and sample my Chocolate and Banana cake, anytime they're in the area. Just in case they're reading this!

Mum has also taken to emailing me, well she forwards me an email with a title, a list of people copied into the email and a message saying "this email has no content". But we all have to start somewhere. So mum if you like the CIA are also reading this - I'm sorry about the swearing! 

Week after Blenheim.

Fleece worn strictly after sporting activity only

I was definitely on a high after completing Blenheim, I ordered the photo's, the tag to go on the back of the medal, watched the videos, liked the facebook page. Hashed and re-hashed the results table, and horror of horror nearly wore the event hoodie to do the school pick up - I refrained. Lycra is one thing at the school gates but the hoodie seemed a step too far. Anything made from sweatshirt fabric should only be worn around the house or after some sporting activity to keep out hyperthermia in my opinion. Camping may also be an exception to the rule. But only because it gets dark very quickly and no-one can see you. Anyway......

The Triathlon Effect

After Blenheim my son had told me how proud he was of me, which meant the world.   Sports day was looming, he hates sports day with a passion. My daughter on the other hand relishes every minute and is athletic. The night before Sports Day my son comes downstairs with a tummy ache. "I hate sports day it's the worst day of my life".....Me "Oh you never know it might get rained off. You can do it just do your best. I never won either and I did my best but there was always someone faster so don't worry about it".  The day arrived, I was dreading it too now.  First event toss the bean bag (not an Olympic event granted) he came 1st.  2nd event long jump ...1st.  Running 2nd.  At the end of Sports Day Max had got 3 firsts, 1 second and 2 thirds. He went from strength to strength. I was bursting with pride, and he was King of the Heap.  Me:- "Well done Max, I was so proud of you today, you were great".  Max "I did it because you said I could do it Mummy".  Sob sob. 

What Next?

Fan-Dabby-Dozy wee Jimmy the main Man Krankie

In an attempt to keep the momentum going I've booked another 3 Triathlon Sprints. Need something to keep me distracted. Yes, not an Ironman or a half marathon or anything else that people may have tried to persuade me would be "right up my street". I now have some times to work on, as has been made clear to me by:-
A) TriCamp Nick Dunn - who suggested my sprint finish in the 5k run indicates a lack of effort in the rest of the run! and 
B) The woman I met whilst swimming at Hampton Open Air Pool. I overheard 2 fellow swimmers (quite a feat with a swimming cap on) discussing the Hampton Triathlon which I've entered. I happened to mention I'd just completed Blenheim Triathlon and she asked me my finish time. Me "1hr 42mins" looks chuffed with self - "Oooo" she said "Olympic distance?"...Me slightly less chuffed  "Er No Sprint...anyway I'm working on my laps goto go". Some people are so catty. Actually talking of catty. The other person in the conversation was Eric.  Eric made me realise the swimming pool is a great place for short men to pull. You've no idea how tall someone is whilst bobbing around in the shallow end. It's only when they get out you realise you've just been talking to wee Jimmy Krankie. Think he's a safe 70s entertainer to mention? Well I say he.  Anyway.....

Like Minded people?

I'm still not sure about the mentality of some of these triathletes - some of them seem to be sadists I've decided, who are just out to intimidate others. An illustration.

Ducks home to roost ?

I went for a beginners open water swim lesson at Shepperton Lake one Sunday morning. A great way to start the day.  Five of us bobbed in our wetsuits around the instructor in the canoe, all slightly nervous at what we may be expected to do. What is it about open water swimming ? I used to love swimming before all of this. Maybe the wetsuit really is too tight and is cutting off some circulation to my brain. So the instructor explains we're going to work on our stroke around a 750m course. Woman behind shoots her hand up "Oh I thought this was an endurance lesson?" ....I cut in maybe rather too quickly "No it's not!". No the instructor reiterates this is about technique.  Woman disappointed "Oh I thought we were working on our stamina". At this point nervous pupil number 5 hastily swims back to the bank. I wanted to tell her to "Fuck Off then we will NOT be working on stamina or endurance today, you're in the wrong class".  At each bouy the instructor stops and talks through each of our strokes and tells us what we need to work on.  Any question I have for the instructor, the woman, lets call her Helga, feels the need to interpret for me. Helga to me  "Did you understand that ? what he's saying is...." what I want to say is "Helga if you just shut up, I will understand exactly what he's saying because I will be able to hear what he is saying to me." 

My "little" brother and I.

Have I got "fuckwit" written on my swimming cap or something? Actually maybe those stars on my cap are like that Magic Eye thing from the 90s and if you squint hard enough they do indeed spell "Fuckwit". More than likely, because my brother was the one who bought my swimming cap for me.  He did once tell me that the police sell off any unclaimed stolen bikes. Off I naively trotted to Worthing police station to get a bargain mountain bike.  The officers seemed rather perplexed when I asked if they had any stolen bikes for sale.  I was nearly arrested for wasting police time. Oh yes my little brother is really funny.

So my new aims are:-

G) Hair Off. Seconds Off.

A) Be happy.
B) Improve confidence in my swimming, do more open water practice.
C) Learn about the little cog and big cog whilst cycling so I don't have to keep putting my chain back on. Very messy.
D) At some point I need to ensure I can mend a puncture.
E) Run harder. Turn that darn coaching woman off on Mapmyride. 
F) Keep banana and chocolate cake ingredients in the cupboard in case I get a visit from the CIA.
G) Get haircut to improve aerodynamics.
H) Don't chat up men in swimming pools - something I suspected in Chapter 1 to be fair.
I)Oh and aim to beat my last triathlon time by 10 minutes.  So 1hour 42mins to beat. Too ambitious maybe?...OK 7 minutes. OK 7-10minutes. It's been a long month.

Next event:-  Monday 25th August 2014. Watch this space.