Chapter 2 Baywatch it aint

THE NEXT CHAPTER :- I APPEAR TO HAVE ENTERED A TRIATHLON! 

Blogging, eating the cakeOoooo feel like a real blogger, wifi down at home so sat in a cafe with my laptop drinking latte and pretending to be very serious. Touch typing really fast dfjljdfljfljf  jlfjldufocj 7080j  jfjdlfjdlfjldfjd ueon jlsdfjducnjjl could do without the bloody live jazz band in the background. So where were we ?

Oh yes panic sets in, over Christmas at drinks parties people seem to be moderately impressed that I'm doing a Triathlon. Various hints and tips ensue. Oh no not on a  hybrid surely ? It's all about the transition. You are doing freestyle right ? All a different language at this point. I pretend to know what they're talking about, I’m in denial.

My brother takes great delight in giving me Triathlon related Christmas presents all of which are designed to strike fear into me - kinesiology tape anyone ? WTF ? Can anyone enlighten me ? 

Good job it's pre-cut right ? 

I'll bloody show him ....

New equipment bought at this stage : 

1 x new hybrid bike, 

4 x new pairs of running socks

1 x swimming goggles and years supply of Veet (it’s a girl thing)

1 x running jacket 

Years subscription to Triathlon 220 magazine

1 x sports bag

1 x subscription to Mapmyride

More money than I used to spend on lattes and custard creams.

SWIMMING = 1 MILE A WEEK.  WHICH STROKE ? 

What is all that grit on the bottom of a municipal pool that looks like sand ? I'd understand it if there was a beach nearby. Or maybe it floats out of people's swimming trunk pockets from their holidays ? Just scabs ? ….actually probably best not thought about. But the mind does wander onto all sorts of things when I'm swimming.

I feel pretty pleased with my training "schedule" as designed by myself the Triathlon virgin. I'm doing breast stroke (or breastfeeding stroke as some have referred to it whilst mocking me) for pretty much every one of my 72 lengths up and down the 25 metre pool.  I'm sure, in my mind, that the lifeguard is impressed and can see immediately what a true athlete they have in their midst. Not difficult to impress as I swim past the grannies in their flowery swim caps.

The Hoff NOT at a pool near yo

It has been suggested by some that perhaps I should work on my Front Crawl or Freestyle as athletes refer to it.  So I do a couple of lengths and nearly have a heart attack. I limit use of this stroke to 20 of my 72 lengths. Mainly because I quickly realise in a 25 metre pool that I haven't actually in my 45 years of existence mastered the art of breathing. The stroke is overatted anyway in my opinion. I revert at every opportunity to breaststroke.

I also discover that my "Sporty" swimsuit is see-through at the top when wet. Ahhh ....perhaps that's why the lifeguard is looking at me then, not because of my sporting prowess.

NOVEMBER - CAN I BORROW YOUR GOGGLES ?

It was on a rainy Tuesday whilst I was recovering from doing 5 lengths of front crawl/freestyle by :-

a) breathing very heavily also known as hyperventilating

and b) by clinging desperately onto the deep end wall, that a male voice from the Slow Lane Swim Anti-Clockwise side of the pool shouted "Excuse Me ?". 

- Can't be talking to me surely.

"Excuse Me ?". 

- I don't know about you but I don't feel I can see in my swimming goggles and I'm always pleasantly surprised that it isn't actually dusk when I take them off. I also think it impairs my hearing too. So I lift them off and look to the Slow Lane Swim Anti-Clockwise side of the pool. He is talking to me....

"Can I borrow your goggles ?"

Me: "Pardon?"

"Can I borrow your goggles ?"

Me: "Ummmm No I'm actually using them." Can't he see I'm an athlete in training ? I decide to swim off quickly - thus it must have been breaststroke. Funny kind or chat up line I ponder. What a ridiculous question why would this man think I would let him borrow my goggles ? 2 lengths later that voice now quite insistent echoing across the municipal pool 

"Excuse Me ? Can I borrow your goggles ?"

Me: Equally insistent "Look NO ! I'm using them get your own goggles there's a shop at the front." Tsk Tsk some people ! probably a friend of the pug owner. Feel like I’m being targeted. As I left the pool I realised he was with his carer and other members of the community.  Ahhh bless him. Perfectly friendly reasonable request then.

NOT EVERYONE IS A PERVERT

Note to self don't assume that every male person in a municipal pool mid-week is either a pedophile or a pervert Catherine. Sometimes I feel the urge to shout at men loitering at the deep end without swimming for infeasibly long periods of time “What are you doing with your hands - yes you - hands above the water !”.

In fact the whole experience is fraught. I still look up when entering the changing cubicles expecting to see a face peering over the top. And now I think about it - am I the only one who subconsciously checks the walls for peepholes expecting to see an eyeball staring back ? I always stomp loudly into the shower area practically kicking open the shower door as if to announce my arrival “YES I’m here I know you’re in there.” ….there never is anyone lurking.

Perhaps I’m the oddball at the pool and everyone is in fact wary of me !

I've  been asked by the nice lady on reception not to wear that swimsuit again ! Fair point what a perv!

TRAINING PROGRESS UPDATE

Unless it’s periodisation week (I’m not talking girlie moon phases here) when the lure of the Merlot totally wrecks training. This is what I’m doing:-

Running twice a week about 16k a week

Clocking up the kms. Even ventured off The Green and now running by the river. No more figure of 8’s for me. Feel less like a hamster on a wheel.

Swimming - 1 mile a week.

Definitely need to sort out freestyle/front crawl and learn some sort of method of breathing. I also need to practice open water swimming rather than in the warm gritty municipal pool.

Cycling - 25k a week.

My new bike is a lovely hybrid with union jacks on, a gold chain and normal pedals. It was in the sale !  It’s love now that I’ve fitted a comfy saddle and put it at the right distance from the handle bars. Some middle aged men seem to doubt my choice of bike. They get quite fanatical you know. What do they know ? They start spouting Rule#12. Oh yes and I now know a) where my # key is thank you David Marsden hallelujah and b) The #Rules !

CONCLUSION

So I merrily do these 3 activities during the course of a week in isolation of each other.  There is a problem with this, the definition of a Triathlon is :-

“a multiple-stage competition involving the completion of three continuous and sequential endurance disciplines. Usually Swimming, Cycling, Running”.

Not once has my middle aged body completed these 3 activities continuously or sequentially.  I once cycled to the swimming pool but I don’t think that cuts the mustard.  I come to a rather rash conclusion, I need some professional help.

I join a club and sign up to a weeks training camp ! Now I’m really scared, and to use a swimming analogy I’m in at the deep end.

All content strictly copyright Catherine Jevans 2014.