Chapter 11 - Three's the magic number

3's the magic number.

3- 2- 1

At the start of May I still haven't done any of the 3 activities sequentially and consecutively and I decide now is probably the time to start cutting my distances down and attempt to combine the 3 disciplines. (oooo that sounds quite professional). I also consider actually recording my times and trying to improve upon them. My new saying is "What would Rita do ?" ( Rita was a girl at TriCamp who is a Triathlon queen and a real go getter. She's also Welsh, but some of my best friends are Welsh so we won't hold that against her).

1st of May - bish - bash - bus

Start as I mean to go on. Rita wouldn't be getting on the bus to the pool, NO she would be running to the pool. I decide it's time to practice Rule#5 - and man up. It's only taken 9 months to get to this stage. I'm going to run to the swimming pool and then swim. Oh yes I am. 

There are several downsides to this new approach:- 

1. I need to wear my running gear to work. I feel slightly self conscious in my running leggings, but don't want to carry a change of clothes as will have to run with them in my backpack. I'm doing a TriAthlon not joining the army......well not yet.2. I need to seriously cut down the after-swim beauty products taken to the pool See point number 1 re backpack. No more conditioner, face moisturiser and lip balm for me. OK it's lipstick, I like my lipstick. Probably no need for a hair brush either - too heavy.

3. If I run home as well it means I can't buy a latte from Carluccios after the swim. And lets be honest it's not just the latte I buy, I've also taken to buying various cakes for the journey home, because I am usually starving marvin after my swim.

Do It! Do It! Do It!

1. I ran in the rain - chuffed and puffed

2. I swam and put lipstick on !

3. Caught the bus had a latte

The first day I decide to do this it is absolutely tipping down with rain. I faff about the office delaying the inevitable. My colleagues get a perverse delight from the fact it's pissing down. Just go Catherine. I run quite fast - rain does that to you. I swim. I change back into my wet clothes. I nearly get arrested for taking selfies in the swimming pool changing cubicle. I run............across the road to Carluccios, get a latte and wait for the 281 bus. Well, you can't rush these things - it's a marathon not a sprint, and it is pissing down. Did I mention it was raining? 

Ran 3.19km then swam 1km. Got the 281 home. Feeling very virtuous! Various people take the piss about the last discipline in my Tri - Run-Swim-Bus.  My brother he's always on hand to take the piss and my lovely friend Sian - coincidently she's also Welsh. I haven't held it against her either - isn't it?

So as I continue through May I am running to the pool, swimming and then running home. Result. Well it feels like a result. Actually the logistics of practising doing the 3 disciplines is very tricky unless you have a swimming pool in your back garden. 

The Logistics of 3.

Unless you have a back up crew (which when I go pro and am sponsored by Bodyform, I obviously will) the logistics of practicing these 3 disciplines is quite tricky. Balancing this with the timings of the school pick up too. Bet the Brownlee brothers don't have to worry about the 3.15 pick up, except they are so young they are probably being picked up themselves. Anyway...

1. Run-Swim-Bike - this would require going to the swimming pool the night before to leave the bike there overnight. Likliehood of it being there in the morning nil.

2 Bike-Swim-Run - Bike to the pool with swimming kit, swim, change into running kit run home. Go back to the swimming pool later to pick up the bike. Again if the bike is still there.

3. Or.....Bus to the Pool - Run Home - get on the bike. That's it! going to try that in the next few weeks. I get there eventually.

All thoughts of recording a PB are out the window.  The day I tried to work out my 100m swim PB. I couldn't for the life of me work it out and as per  "Who Wants to be a Millionaire" I messaged a friend to do the calculations for me. I've always been the same with percentages I get a mental block on how to work them out. Couldn't tell the time either until I was about 10. Anyway... When I actually had my time worked out for me, I didn't like it, so I ignored it. I convinced myself it's not about PB's anyway it's all about the taking part. 

MapMy....

Stick men they get everywhere.

I use the MapMyRide app to record my endevours. She's a bit annoying the American voiceover who patronisingly states "Start Workout". And I think she's beginning to have a twisted sense of humour at my expense. In the spirit of PB's I have been trying to up the pace on my running and cycling. So on my Friday 25k+ bike rides, the American is shoved in my pocket set to "Start Workout".  I peddle like fury thinking this week darn it I'm going to be Sprint Queen, Peddle Princess, King of Spin or whatever their nicknames are.  As I pull up outside my house and reach eagerly in my pocket to see how far and fast I've done, I realise the battery has run out half way around.  BASTARD BASTARD BASTARD. So I have to put justifying comments on each workout "Actually it was 84k Bitch". It has done the same thing when I've run my fastest time ever. I think they should rename the app MapMyRideSometimesWhenIFeelLikeIt. Catchy. I'd use my Garmin watch but I've never really got past the "Searching for Satellite" "Use indoors?" stage. Looks professional though - like I might be a diver or something. So shallow.

Equipment Tips

Now I know I am an amateur at all this and so I have become a Triathlon geek and subscribe to Triathlon 220 magazine. I've gotten over "The perils that can be sustained from Triathlon" article and the fact there are no horoscopes at the back. And  I love their helpful advise on equipment you may require. But I'm beginning to think I could write this section myself.....

1. Choosing Goggles - when selecting goggles fit comfort and visibility are the watchwords.  Really ? Visibility you say ? and presumably make sure they are waterproof?
2. Tri-Suit - the priority is comfort and it needs to be supportive....and skin tight. 
3. Road Run Shoes - Comfort and durability are key. Good so don't get uncomfortable running shoes then - top tip and in the right shoe size.
4. Helmets - Fit is hugely important - wow a revelation. Presumably on the head. And without a visor obviously. Lesson learnt.

Intimate Hygiene Areas and Sport

Never seen the appeal of watching ballet !

Wearing of Underwear when doing sport and what type of underwear to wear? Very sore subject amongst cyclists. I was alarmed to hear cyclists don't wear pants under cycling shorts. Hence why they have no VPL I guess. Male ballerina's the same thing I would imagine. But I still can't say I feel comfortable not wearing some kind of undergarment underneath cycling shorts. Didn't your mother always tell you to wear clean underwear in case you got run over.  I'm most likely to crash on my bike so need to be prepared. 
And of course the whole Chamoix cream conversation. I was convinced that really this only applied to males because of moving parts. I didn't suffer any of this whilst in Mallorca at TriCamp. But then perhaps my whole body was in pain and so I hadn't noticed a blistering arse. However, whilst cycling with my brother and Bert on a very stunning 84k ride around Sussex on a hot sunny day the subject arose again. I'd never met Bert before, lovely chap, he offered me half his banana (no euphenism intended) and in the same breath he asked if I used Chamoix cream . Very quickly I said "Oh No! not sure girls need that stuff". This was early days to be getting into this sort of conversation - and surely this type of cream isn't something you need to be sharing with others, just for personal use. Having just offered me his banana, I thought he was going to produce a pot and expect me to dip my finger in and apply in front of the assembled coffee shop. What is the etiquette for this sort of thing. I'd already been offered lube on the beach at TriCamp. These athletes were sooooo keen to share. Anyway I've concluded that girls DO in fact need Chamoix cream.  That crease just under your buttock and above your thigh - yes ? I felt that someone had dragged that particular area across some sandpaper. Ouch. Chaffed is a word that best describes it. I won't ever again laugh at such injuries, but with. Oh yes and IMightMapYourRideIMightNot told me I'd cycled 64k that day and then ran out. It wasn't it was a very respectable 84k and there were proper hills and everything.

Baby Number 3

My new baby - resting

This arrived on my birthday.  Bailey. My bike from Mallorca was delivered by freight. Weighing not very much.  Mother and new baby getting on really well. So lovely to be reunited with an old friend. This bike and I are going to go on many adventures methinks and maybe some uphill struggles.

Not long now......

Blenheim Palace Sprint Saturday 7th June.

All content strictly copyright Catherine Jevans 2014.

Chapter 10 - tag rugby, lighthouses and gearing

A Summary of where I'm at...

• Weeks until Triathlon = 6 (holy shit!)
• Number of Triathlons completed consequentially and sequentially = 0
• Personal Bests = not registered been ignoring stats.  But that run in Paris was awesome smashed all world records apparently!
• Successful Open Water Swims = 0
• Number of times fallen off bike with cleats = 0 (well maybe a leedle bit....)
• Money spent on equipment = a mere £55.29p (my husband reads this!)

Tag rugby not just for lesbians

So having rested on my laurels for a bit. My "popping calf" (never before heard of in medical history) had hindered me somewhat.  I decided that I once again should venture forth into the world of physical exercise.  I usually train on my own, so decided maybe some exercise with a group would be good. It's good to train with someone I've heard.

So off I trotted one Saturday morning to Twickenham Green to have a free trial fitness session.  We started warming up by throwing a rugby ball around, novel warm up session I thought, but lets get onto the squats and burpees. Forget the press ups, mine are unbelievably laughable. Maybe another thing to work on Operation DAPPUYW*

Before I knew it I was being sucked into a game of tag rugby !! WTF and it's not as if Twickenham Green is private, everyone goes past. This is humiliating some of those guys obviously had played rugby before and were really chucking the ball hard. I only did netball and hockey at school so this was all new to me.  Roll on 10 o'clock when all this would be over and hope to God no-one I know has seen me.  

I never really considered myself to be competitive but we ended up doing sprint races.  Not sure what happened but all that teenage angst came flooding back reminding me of those blonde girls at school, Nicola Constantine, Lisa Bennet and Louise Dadge who always overtook me however fast I ran. I ran as fast as I could - I wanted to win.  And so I ran - really fast. I was holding my own.  And then......my calf popped again.  I'm sure this didn't look good in front of the rest of the tag rugby team.  New girl turns up, can't catch a rugby ball for toffee and then "OW OW OW I've injured myself I'm going to stand over by the tree" - what a big girls blouse.  

So I felt I had to casually drop into conversation I'd been to TriCamp and was exhausted.  As I heard myself say the words I cringed. And someone behind me said "There was this one time in TriCamp" the phrase from American Pie. No-one's interested Catherine - go home. 

There was this one time in band camp...

I've not been back, not sure tag rugby is conducive to a successful Triathlon training schedule anyway.  I did see them all on The Green the other Saturday on the way to get all-butter croissants and pork pies from Sainsbury's - head down, walk quickly. Maybe limp a little just to show you're properly injured.

Back to Mallorca. Don't forget your pedals and they drive on the right in Spain and something about gears ?

There were several areas still left uncovered by my last trip to Mallorca.  The run up to the lighthouse and swimming in the sea with my wetsuit. I was determined to rectify this situation. And I wanted another go on that bike - I was addicted.  So on our Easter family holiday I took by Tri-Bag (only available in green) packed with equipment. Pedals - yes Gareth Parry don't forget your pedals. Bike Shoes. Wetsuit. Trainers. Lots of Lycra.

The Open Water Swim

Does my head look big in this wetsuit ?

Ummmmm yes ! So everyone else was on the beach in their swimsuits it was quite hot. Actually, they were also in the sea with their swimsuits, it wasn't that cold. I put my wetsuit on, swimming hat and goggles, I too was now quite hot - not in a good way.  Looking like a professional - professional what I don't know. People are looking - not least our friend Gareth who is expecting great things from me. I scanned the bay - yep no problem I would swim across to the next jetty. In I go.  Blimey having grasped breathing as per Operation BAFCO** the wetsuit was strangulating me and making me bob around like a harpooned seal I felt dizzy.  So just off from the beach I bobbed, and spluttered and honestly thought I was going to faint. I tried a couple of strokes but it just wasn't coming together.  Moving my head from side to side was just making me feel nauseous- is my wetsuit too tight ? Was this sea sickness ? Had I been bitten and infected by a sea flea ? All plausible explanations.

Gareth, my husband Matt, Louise, and 5 children all looked on slightly bemused - but bless them they didn't laugh - which quite frankly they should have done. I would have! Maybe they did later. I felt utterly ridiculous. Someone once asked me if my children were proud of me doing all this. I think at this precise moment my children were mortified about this exhibition their mother was making of herself and would have quite happily buried me in the sand! It could be worse I could be making them visit National Trust properties like my parents did.

LESSONS:-

I really need to just get used to being in the sea in my wetsuit first and forget any attempt at swimming. Can I practice this in the bath ? - or in a paddling pool in the back garden as the triathlon magazines recommend. That was the first and last time I used my wetsuit on this trip.  Operation SWISH*** needs work.

The Bike Ride

I managed a couple of rides in Mallorca with THAT lovely road bike.  This was actually quite fraught.  Having borrowed the SunVelo bike for TriCamp I now felt quite confident on it, except when I had to ride it in front of it's owner. Ouch. This was going to be excrutiating. Several things happened in front of Dave from SunVelo that hadn't happened at TriCamp.

I turned up for my ride. I thought I'd done really well I had all the kit on. Proper cycling top with back pockets, cleated shoes and cycling shoes.  But No! there was another rule I'd forgotten. I was instructed to take off immediately the visor from my helmet.

Donkey, Mule or just an Ass ?

So there was a certain amount of pressure to ride the bike properly, and look like I knew what I was doing on this very expensive small hobbit bike. I felt like I was doing my cycling profeciency test all over again. Several times Dave seemed exasperated with the sound of his very expensive gears being clonked around. He tried to explain the big cog and little cog but I think this is rather like a girls understanding of the offside rule - "Nice Poppies" I pointed out in an effort to change the subject. And so whilst I was busy shifting willy nilly through the whole raft of gears the chain came off.  Marvelous. Me:-  "Alright! Alright! I know -  gears - big cogs - little cogs".  Off we went to the beach to put up a SunVelo poster - apparently I was the ideal poster mule with my backpack on. Not sure Dave would be seen dead with a back pack on so I had my uses.(Not quite weaned myself off the backpack not pro I know Danny Russell).  

And as we arrived at the beach the other thing happened. We stopped - I began to fall sideways still attached to the bike. Damn it not now of all times! Me:- "I don't know how that just happened my legs are a bit wobbly". Look of dis-believement. Yep she's a fuckwit I think is what Dave thought!  I didn't mention that on my way over to meet him I found myself on a roundabout face to face with a car coming the other way. He didn't need to know that bit.

I did also manage a ride up to the Formentor car park early one morning. Top tip don't loiter by the sign too long you'll never get away.  Several times I tried to cycle back down the hill.  And several times German cyclists proffered their iphone and asked "Can you take zee foto of my bike and zee sign? and now vith mine friend - and now just me and now my friend wants a foto of him with zee sign" By this time another 40 cyclists had made it up the hill.  Quick cycle home now if they all want a photo you'll never get home. I did give myself the fear on the way back down. I made the fatal mistake of looking over the edge. Bit more squeezing of the brakes and don't look over the edge.

Me and zee bike that has small cogs and big cogs.

LESSONS:-

1. The Spanish drive on the other side of the road.

2. Always bring your pedals eh Gareth ?

3. Something about big cogs and little cogs

4. Don't wear a visor

5. Don't think you can race Dave up a hill he will beat you.

The Run 

Thelma and Louise at the top

I had promised myself after my epic failure to complete the mini triathlon at TriCamp that I would run up to the Formentor lighthouse.  Louise who was also on holiday with us is a keen runner agreed to come along.  We've been on many holiday's with Louise and she always starts the day with the words "Shall I go for a run today?" and sometimes she has actually gone on a run! Today she definitely did.  Bit of bitching from her at the beginning about it being uphill - no shit Sherlock.  I waited for her at the top (tee hee) but as she told me several times in the car on the way back down and over G&Ts at the Illa D'Or- she could probably beat me over longer distances. And indeed I think she is probably right - today she has completed a half marathon - something I can't ever imagine doing.  But glad I made it to the top - amazing view.

LESSONs:

1. It's uphill to the lighthouse but it's worth it for the view.

2. Louise will be beat me over a longer distance - this will never be tested I can assure you.

NEXT CHAPTER....

In chapter 11 - who knows what's going to happen in the next 6 weeks? A sea swim at May bank holiday in the UK maybe ?

*DAPPUYW - Do A Proper Push Up You Wuss
**BAFCO = Breathing and Front Crawl Only
***SWISH = Swim With In Suit Happily (I know this acronym doesn't make sense but I wanted Swish so I'm having it!)

All content strictly copyright Catherine Jevans 2014.

Chapter 9 - confessions, biscuits and tea

A CONFESSION

So I have a confession.  I'd had a very busy week at TriCamp in fact I don't think I'd ever done that amount of exercise in my entire life. Quite frankly I was exhausted after all the physical exertions of the week. So when I got home I gave myself a bit of a rest - actually a 2 week rest.  Also I think I'd caught a cold from somewhere, which is no good for a Triathlon blog no-one wants to hear about how many pork pies, cups of tea and custard creams I've eaten on my return. So did I do a Triathlon ? 

TRICAMP TRIATHLON

Formentor waiting for the runners

The final day of TriCamp Mallorca was the mini Triathlon. At last I was going to do the 3 activities yes you've guessed it "consecutively and sequentially". Yippee.  And the big question for any girl, what to wear ? - you are going to swim, cycle then run.  I didn't have a Tri-Suit because that seemed way too professional whilst I was browsing in Sigma Sport and quite frankly very expensive. So Tri-shorts over swimming costume it was. Shoes already clipped to your bike. Goggles in the pool not on the bike. Ooooo how exciting.

We did some swimming drills to start. More hyperventilating. So in my defence I was already knackered before we'd even started and perhaps Rioja the night before was not an ideal nutritional starting point.

We were to do 12 lengths of the pool, run out the fire exit onto the bike to cycle through Puerto Pollenca up to the Formentor car park and then run up to the lighthouse. Bring it on......

Great - I swam 4 lengths and then thought phycologically I need to get up to the car park first. I just didn't want to be the last person coughing and spluttering in the pool. Lets get this over and done with was my philosophy. So after 4 lengths I got out of the pool (there does seem to be a theme with my swimming - getting out quickly) - I really hate the swimming - I ran out the fire exit and got onto the bike dripping wet and cycled for all I was worth.  

The road up to the car park is steep, Bradley Wiggins goes up there I've seen him once. Anyway....no-one had caught me up yet.  Why would they? They were all doing 12 lengths! And then I spied Andrew over my left shoulder trying to catch me up.  Well I hadn't quite forgiven Andrew for abandoning me going down Sa Calobra, and so something within me made me step up the pace. I was not letting him get to the car park first.  So I found some energy from somewhere to power up to the car park.  His heart monitor on his bike was probably going ballistic at this point, that would serve him right!. When he reached the car park he seemed bemused - "What just happened there?" Me innocently:- "What?" Andrew:-"You were within my sights and then suddenly you were gone and I couldn't catch you" Me:- "Well I wasn't going to let you beat me and I knew you'd be talking to yourself about your heart rate saying bring it back bring it back !".  Don't mess with me downhill boy with all your gadgets.

Bikes ditched ready for the run

So I leapt off my bike in true Anneka Rice style (not showing my age at all!), put on my trainers and ran across the road avoiding the tourists with their camera's and cornetto's. I didn't get very far my calf popped within metres. Do I run on and injure myself or stop while I can still walk ? I stopped. I didn't run up to the lighthouse I wasn't in the right frame of mind. And I was cross with myself, for not actually completing the 3 things I set out to do.  I would need to return to Mallorca and do that run up to the lighthouse another day. 

Look of madness after a week of exertions

I had a coffee and took some photo's with Claire who'd hurt her back as all the others ditched their bikes and ran up to the lighthouse. They were all superstars. I was still a Triathlon Virgin. So I will let you know when I lose my virginity!

Another type of chicken

HOME

On the second week home I tried a run, I got 2k down the road and my calf was in agony again, so that was running out the window for a while. The weather was wet and rainy so cycling was a limited option too.  There's nothing for it my only option was swimming.  Back to Tri Club

TRICLUB -  a night of dogging and tranvestites - yes really!

Monday night 9pm to 10pm is swimming drills night. This time it's an indoor pool which means there really is no excuse not to go. I can't find the car park so park in a back street alongside the recreational park.  Now I understand that I have an irrational fear about the dark underbelly of municipal pools as discussed in previous chapters. But as I pull up I realise that this probably isn't the nicest place to park. But the man in the car opposite seems quite friendly as he keeps flashing his lights at me. I've since been told that this is the international sign for dogging.  Who knew ? Anyway I haven't got time for that I've got swimming to do. Let's hope he's gone by the time I return to the car at 10pm.

Eddie wears waterproof mascara

So I safely reach the pool where my fellow club mates are in the pool.  I look around at these like minded people, bit difficult to assess them when they're all wearing goggles and swimming hats. One chap arrives with eye make-up on. I take another look - yep definitely got eye make-up on. Don't stare Catherine and don't be so narrow minded, Eddie Izzard does marathons so why shouldn't transvestites do Ironmen ? Takes all sorts.  See you can't assume stereotypes about Triathletes they are a mixed bunch - knitters and all!




Drills went fine - breathing came together and I actually felt like I had made some progress. I am in the slowest lane - but the only way is up I guess - yeah baby!

So all good..........not really.  The communal shower (with swimsuits on) was a bit disconcerting, not used to showering with strangers. But I guess I'm going to be changing in fields from now on with other athletes so probably all part of the triathletes world.

Rather disappointingly the transvestite admitted that he had the eye make-up on for charity and that he'd completely forgotten he had it on - I turned to him and said " Phew - I did wonder, but when I saw you hadn't shaved your legs I thought I must be seeing things". Bit gutted that he wasn't a transvestite really as I was looking forward to seeing his other Tri-sports outfits.

Shower done, I got changed. Ooops seem to have forgotten dry underwear in my anxiousness about swimming drills.  Going back to the dogging area with no pants on was going to give entirely the wrong impression - let's hope the chap in the car had moved on.

NEXT CHAPTER....

In chapter 10 I appear to have joined a tag rugby team, concentrating on operation BAFCO and another trip to Mallorca to swim in the sea, ride the lovely bike and run to the lighthouse.  Busy eh ? Not just cups of tea after all, and sometimes there's even cake if I'm lucky.

All content strictly copyright Catherine Jevans 2014.

Chapter 8 - Everything goes swimmingly.....Nuns, Doggy Style and Fleas

Operation B.A.F.C.O*

My big mission when I signed up for TriCamp in Mallorca was to sort my swimming out. Bloody “Bubble Bubble Breath” hadn’t really inspired me with confidence that night at Hampton Open Air Pool.  And No - I haven’t been back for drowning drills - sorry swimming drills with that club again.

Had you asked me 6 months ago what my strongest of the 3 activities required to be done “sequentially and consecutively” for a triathlon I would definitely have said swimming.  But I had soon come to realise that whilst I was fast at front crawl I couldn’t maintain this pace over any distance and the coward in me had always reverted to breast stroke.

And so to TriCamp Mallorca to sort my breathing out and get some openwater swimming practice and a swim technique analysis.

OPEN WATER SWIMMING THE PERILS

Can I borrow your goggles ?

Open water swimming isn’t to be taken lightly. Unfortunately I had read an article before I went to Mallorca which was far from comforting. This added to the inspiring words from an old college friend Danny “The open water swim? I would rather stick pins in my eyes than do that again.” Great! 

So here is a list of some of the perils and top tips for dealing with open water swimming. Please promise me when you next see me that you won’t feel inclined to check out my ears or my fat knees after reading this list:-

1. Steamy Goggles:- apply some new anti-fog spray before the event.....Oh yes of course I always carry anti-fog spray around with me! Ridiculous!

2. Fat-Pad irritation:- The ‘fat pad’ is a small, soft-tissue structure on the front of your knee, which has a tendency to be pinched between your kneecap (patella) and the front of your thigh bone (femur). Although it’s only small, it’s highly sensitive, and the pain can be excruciating....Something new for us girls to worry about do my knees look fat in this wetsuit?

3. Swimmer’s ear (aka ‘otitis externa’) is a chronic infection of the external ear canal – the passage leading from the eardrum to the outside world. It usually presents itself as either a pain in your ear (worse when you touch your ear), but often it will cause itching or even a discharge from inside your ear. When your ear canals become regularly water logged, fungi and bacteria can set up home. This can worsen if you damage the soft lining of your ear canal by attempting to dry (or scratch) it with a towel.......Ewwww Yuk Yuk Yukkity Yuk.

4. Exotosis:- Swimmers who regularly train in cold water can also develop a further problem of a bony overgrowth of the ear canal, known as exotosis. This is a permanent problem that can lead to reduced hearing. The simplest way to prevent both these problems is to wear earplugs......Mmmm attractive, presumably you only wear the ear plugs whilst swimming, not during everyday life. What? Pardon?

5. Skin Cancer:- If you’re lucky enough to train outdoors in warm weather, then you may be at risk of sunburn or even the skin cancer malignant melanoma........Blimey!  the person who wrote this list was definitely a glass half empty type person! 

6. Verruccas:- Yuk. We all know those at school who wore the white rubber socks! Maybe that was just Devon, no I'm sure it was a UK wide thing. Moving on....

7. Weils Disease:- Weil’s disease can kill, so if you’ve been open-water swimming and experience fever, muscle pains, headache, vomiting or show signs of jaundice (yellow skin and eyes), you must seek urgent medical advice.......I think I may have had some of these symptoms after the open water swim in Mallorca and definitely after the TriClub swimming drills.

8. Sea Fleas - Yes apparently there is such a thing as sea fleas, according to Australian Jacqui: who asked a very surprised Nick at TriCamp Mallorca.  Nick:- "Any questions?" Jacqui:- “Are there sea fleas?”.  Nick :- “Sea Fleas ? I’ve never heard of Sea Fleas!”. I assured the group I’d never been bitten by a Sea Flea whilst swimming in Mallorca. I said it’s the sharks you need to worry about. Ha Ha...... gosh and there I was just worrying about points 1 to 7, shit sea fleas as well!!

9. Killing a Nun

Get out of the way JT's coming!

So you can see Open Water Swimming is not to be entered into lightly. What Point 9 ? Oh Yes Killing a Nun is apparently a not often talked about peril of open water swimming according to JT at TriCamp. This is a true story.  JT had been doing a Vineman 70.3 in the US (I put that like I know what the hell that is - some triathlon event, anyway ....)  along with a very famous 80 year old nun called Madonna Buder (google her you’ll see) known as the “Iron Nun”. When it came to the open water swim everyone leaped in and amongst the melee or human washing machine that ensued JT swam over the “Iron Nun” and thought he’d killed her.  Much to JT’s distress - not only had he just swam over another human, but of all people it had to be the much loved famous “Iron Nun” - needless to say I don’t think JT swam his personal best that day. So make sure you have your anti-fog spray next time for your googles.

And the day had started so well...

All bike rides lead to the garage 

The day had started so well, I'd done my second big bike ride 90k to Alaro on the lovely road bike. I'd used all the gears and the brakes didn't allude me once. I'd managed to cajole a nutrition bar out of my pocket, pre un-wrapped (see I was learning). I had imparted some childbirth wisdom I felt I needed to share with Faye. Faye please do with that information what you will, I apologise for over-sharing to someone who hasn't given birth. She cycled off quite quickly - oh I seem to be cycling on my own again. Jazz hands pot hole. Jazz hands dead cat.

We cycled up to the garage - all bike rides led to the garage. We commented on how many cyclists stop at the petrol garage at Escorca. They don't really sell much petrol as far as we could see. Just a forecourt full of sweaty cyclists bulging out of their lycra taking selfies beside cycling company signage. All using the 1 toilet. The slower cycling group, sorry what did Nick call us - oh yes the Medium Ability Group - had been caught up very quickly at the first coffee stop by the fast group - God they were good.  We pretended the service was really slow at the cafe hence why they'd caught up.  We had the last laugh though - we whooped their arse on the way home.  Well maybe that's because we had a decoy in their group who had 2 punctures. It even sleeted on the way home.  So a busy morning then open water swimming......

AN AFTERNOON AT THE SEASIDE

I was lulled into a false sense of security at the beach. This was more like it, Sand, Sea and ......well we did some running drills. I was keeping up quite nicely, perhaps I was becoming an athlete after all. So I had done 2 of my 3 required activities today cycling, running and now for open water swimming.

Action shot to the theme tune of Bionic Man

A DIP IN THE MALLORCAN SEA

Once the sea flea question had been clarified by Nick, I was quite excited about getting into the water with my new wetsuit.  I won’t go into all the disconcerting talk about lube on the beach as we all got into our wetsuits.  Did I want to borrow any ? Errr No thanks I’ll pass. Awkward. I wish they'd keep their voices down people were staring.

And she's in....the wetsuit.

All we had to do was swim around 3 buoys.  I caught my breath as I entered the water, it was cold. And then everyone was splashing around beside me, and I couldn’t move my arms in a breast stroke manner or any other manner resembling a swimming stroke in the wetsuit (it might be ever so slightly too tight!) And then for some bizarre reason I just couldn’t pluck up the courage to put my face in the water. I like swimming in the sea but never had swimming in the sea been so bloody awful. I spluttered and gasped all around those 3 bobbing buoys, I splashed my way around and it was really hard work.  I got to the last bouy and thought sod this. I gave up and got out. 

Nick always one to give me positive feedback as I staggered onto the beach (he'd given me some real gems whilst I was at TriCamp!) looked for some way of appraising my swimming performance ….he couldn't.  "Errrr... Wow! well done Catherine you can get out of a wet suit really quickly!” Yep that sums it up nicely Nick. Get me out of this sodding wetsuit ASAP and let me sit on the beach in my clothes in the sun. That was horrid and there weren't even any sea fleas.

SWIMMING ANALYSIS

Once the Over 70s Mallorcan Synchronized Swimming Team had got out of the local Puerto Pollenca Pool, TriCamp had it all to themselves for swim drills - oooo really lovely warm water!. We were separated into lanes based on capability. Several laps of warm ups.  Off I swam really fast. The others  commented on how fast I was.  Then they commented on how quickly I ran out of steam!  I was expending a lot of effort and holding my breath which equals a near-hyperventilation situation.  God I really needed to sort some sort of breathing technique out.

We took turns to put on our best swimming display as Nick videoed us with an underwater camera. In my mind - I was gliding effortlessly through the pool like a porpoise. Totally coordinated and smooth. I am obviously deluded…..about many things in my life! When I watched the video back it was surprisingly nothing like that at all! What I saw was a middle aged woman thrashing around, swaying from side to side and then gasping for air manically every now and then. A disappointed “Oh” was my response on seeing the video played back I reminded myself of that baby on the front cover of the Nirvana Album (just to clarify with my kit on and without the willy!).

That baby can't swim for love nor money either

DOGGY PADDLE

So we went back to the pool and practiced lots of drills to improve our catch (that's a technical term I haven't actually grasped what it means yet) and breathing. And I was concentrating really hard to perfect my freestyle action. One particular drill focused in on bending from the elbow not the wrist.  Of the four in my lane (you chickens, Sue, Andrew, JT and Stephanie) I went off first.  Up the pool I went - lovely smooth movement - concentrating so hard I couldn’t hear Nick shouting at me from the side of the pool.  When my head rose above the water the 5 of them were all laughing at me.  I had been concentrating so hard on not bending my wrist that I wasn’t actually moving my arm out of the water - I had just successfully completed a lap of perfect doggy paddle. Oh - just a tad embarrassing. Which is why my prize for winning the slipper competition was a strap on....to stop my wrist from bending whilst swimming.

NEXT CHAPTER....
So at the end of Chapter 8 I still haven't done my 3 activities sequentially or consecutively, will this be in Chapter 9?. And whilst I am now completing all lengths in my local pool via the freestyle method my breathing is still not right. I have to face my fears and return to Triathlon Club...Oh No...Deep Breath...

*Operation Breathing And Front Crawl Only

All content strictly copyright Catherine Jevans 2014.